I was bored so I thought I’d do something a little different.
Things I learned from Friday’s episode of General Hospital: when you throw a 120 pound woman into the water and it makes a giant splash, always explain the sound as a sandwhich that you just threw away, because we all know what loud noises sandwhichs make when they land in the water. Also, if you’re the district attorney, who knows that the local sociopath is up to no good, and hanging around property that doesn’t belong to him, that supposedly exploded not that long ago, you’re likely to believe him when he tells you that big fat lie. Whatever you do, don’t follow up on it.
Things I learned from Friday’s episode of General Hospital: grief sex with your ex in the backseat of your car, while your current is out of town, is the best cure to putting your comatose child in a long term facility. It really makes you feel much better about the new ventilation hole in your child’s head. And if you feel like your ex is responsible for the child’s condition and you’ve been yelling at him for weeks about it, even better.
Things I learned from Friday’s episode of General Hospital: When there’s a giant storm a-comin’, make sure you choose that day to drive your child eleventy miles away, in a different town, for a sleepover. Then, when you get a flat tire in the rain, and you get out of the car to check, make sure you lock your doors with your keys and cell phone still inside. But then, pray to the heavens that your baby daddy shows up to help you, rather than be a strong woman and break the window with a rock.
Things I learned from Friday’s episode of General Hospital: When you’re looking for a secret hiding spot for a rendezvous, pick someplace on the grounds of your family home, so that the family lawyer can spot you, so he can let your father know, even though your father should already know that you’re together, since he blackmailed the shrieky girl into the relationship in the first place.
Things I learned from Friday’s episode of General Hospital: When your brother comes home from the hospital after life threatening brain surgery, be there to welcome him and to pester him about what love is, how love happens, how he fell in love with his now dead fiancé, how do you spell love, do tse-tse flies experience love, you know, all the pertinent questions.
And last but not least, things I learned from Friday’s episode of General Hospital; when you’ve said your good byes to the comatose boy for the eleventy billionth time, do so again, just in case he didn’t hear you.