One Life to Live Presents: "Soap Vixen Writing for Dummies"

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What can I say about this show that hasn't been said in recent weeks? One Life to Live has truly become event television on par with the first season of Survivor, the revelation of "Who Shot Jr?" on Dallas and more importantly, the classic 80's heyday of daytime soaps.

I must admit that since I've only watched the show for a few years I'm not as emotionally attached to a lot of the characters and history as some of my fellow bloggers and podcast co-hosts, but much like I didn't get hooked on Falcon Crest until six seasons in, OLTL is definitely worth tackling a new soap obsession 40-odd years into the game. Besides I can always call up my pal Tina (DC's version, not Llanview's) and ask "Now where the hell was this Mendorra?" if need be.

What I am loving most about OLTL right now is Andrea Evans' return as Tina Lord Roberts. I've always liked Evans in her lesser roles on shows like The Bold and the Beautiful (Tawny)  and Passions (Rebecca), but I sort of relegated her in my mind to playing that type of one-dimensional, campy schemer. I never imagined she could actually carry a show front and center, that is until now.

Tawny and Rebecca were obviously Tina-lite as Evans has proven in only a short amount of time while reprising her breakout role. Tina is a throwback to classic, glamour puss, complicated Mama-vixens of the past like Another World's Cecile, Santa Barbara's Gina, Melrose Place's Sydney Mancini or Y&R's Jill Foster Abbott (before she was spayed and sat out back with a nice bowl of milk and a ball of yarn while The Gloria Hour commenced).

THIS is what daytime fans want from our delicious scheming characters! Are you listening Ellen Wheeler? We don't want Dinah spending a year getting over a bump on her head on Guiding Light nor Olivia pinning over a man (Gus) she no more loved than she wanted to make out with Reva's father Hawk Shayne!  That goes double for Days'  Sami Brady. Who wants to see the best villainess of the 90's crying croc tears while Lucas bellows at her like toy poodle who thinks he's a pit bull? It's a sad day in Salem and Soapdom when Marlena is the one injecting people with needles while Sami's forever in need of a hankie!

I suggest the masterful Frank Valentini and Ron Carlivati create a software template on how to write good soap bitches, burn it onto a DVD and then we can have Stefano strap certain other daytime execs and writers to a chair and wash it right into their brains. Just be careful not to send over a copy of Snoop's latest CD instead or all we'll get is Olivia and Dinah sipping on Gin and Juice at Company!