Okay it's Saturday and I need to be a.) doing a load of laundry or b.) working on one of my gazillion writing projects, but to stir up the muse I am going to indulge in a little fan fic and tell you my ideas for spinoffs for four of the soaps currently on network TV.
Before someone mentions budgets, ratings or demos, this is just for fun. I know all too well that in this climate a new five-day-a-week soap on network television is about as likely as a pregnancy scare for Cher, but hey where would J.K. Rowling be without an imagination?
The Young and the Restless: There Goes The Neighborhood
First up is Y&R, daytime's reigning ratings champ-just in case you missed the Daytime Emmy's telecast. Since Jeffrey and Gloria have now reunited why not give them their own show and we the viewers back Genoa City?
Have the tacky, nouveau riche couple move to a posh, Connecticut enclave populated by Old Money dowagers, hoteliers, their trampy reality TV star granddaughters and the like. The soap could be called There Goes The Neighborhood. Because frankly that's exactly what I would be saying if Glo moved into my hood!
The Bold and the Beautiful: Madison Avenue
With Eric and Steph's youngest daughter (together that is) now handling advertising for Forrester Creations, it would make perfect since to spin Felicia (and if he's lucky, her storyline-deprived brother Thorne) off into her own 30-minute companion sudser set in the advertising world.
After her one-billionth spat with Daddy Most Dysfunctional Eric over Donna, Felicia receives an offer she can't refuse- to head up her own advertising agency in Manhattan funded by sexy, billionaire financier Grayson "Grays" Mc Alester, one of Eric's best friend's from college. Cast Trapper John and Falcon Crest vet Gregory Harrison in the lead role opposite Leslie Kay, while rounding out the cast with Donna Mills as his bitchy, estranged wife Hillary, Billy Warlock and Ted King as his feuding sons Brighton and Steele (hey this is a B&B spinoff, be glad I didn't call him Thrust!)-both of whom will fall hard for Felicia. Tamara Braun and Ashley Benson will play polar opposite daughters Vanessa and Carisse. Youngest daughter Carisse is the apple of daddy's eye, while blacksheep Vanessa twice shamed the family, first by posing nude for a men's magazine and second by penning the best selling roman a clef Daddy Knows Best. Vanessa returns in the pilot to seek revenge on her little sister and attention from their father by convincing her former lover, Greek shipping heir Stavros Andropolous (Ignaccio Serrichio) to seduce and film Carisse, then sell the video to a Direct-to-DVD porn peddler played by Jason Brooks (ex-Peter Bake, Days).
All My Children: A Second Shot at Forever or Angie's Anatomy (j/k)
Many AMC fans would agree, the best part about this past season has been the breathtaking returns of 80's supercouple Angie and Jesse. Why not capitalize on that popularity and buzz by spinning Darnell Williams and Debbie Morgan into their own soap?
Angie could be offered the Chief of Staff position at a top notch medical center in Atlanta (gotta rep for my new town). Meanwhile Jesse joins the ATL police department's Hip Hop Crimes Unit, putting him just where Angie never wanted him to be again, in constant danger.
Frankie and Cassie would follow their parents to the Dirrty South where Cassie of coursegets caught up in the allure of the volatile hip hop industry (facilitating many more visits of music superstars to ABC daytime) by falling for ATL's premiere rap superstar, who can't seem to stay out of the tabloids or jail, as Frankie struggles to open up an inner city clinic.
To fill the void on AMC, bring back a divorced Livia and pair her with Samuel (as we all know Erica will eventually head back for another Jack Attack). Reggie and Dani could also return to Pine Valley and pick up where they left off, which was at a very promising place before TPTB ruined it by having her deflowered by the walking aborted fetus.
Samuel's son could take a liking to Dani, as a scheming Colby teams up with Reggie to keep the couple apart or...they could all get trapped in a bomb shelter eat from a poison root and have the deadly upchucks at Pine Valley Memorial until Dr. Maria Santos returns to make 'em all better and reunite with a not-so-dead Edmund. He didn't eat the pancakes.
Days of Our Lives: Pacific Lives
Days' just hasn't been the same since one of its most beloved and iconic couples-Jack and Jennifer-said their goodbyes. Why not bring them back to Salem for three months to help launch their own soap set in California?
Jennifer (preferrably my Missy Reeves but if not, Jensen Buchanan or Kimberely Simms) is hired to anchor a new morning show with two other women, an aging journalist-Madeline "Maddie" Walker played by Linda Dano, a black, child sitcom star-turned-memoirist played by Renee Goldsberry and a sassy gay fashionisto and wellness guru played by Steven "Cojo" Cojacuru.
Dano's character would be unlike her signature turns as Felicia on Another World or Rae on wel, all of ABC Daytime. Maddie Walker is no sweetheart. She's a bitter, jealous shrew of a woman, with a myriad of substance abuse problems, who treats her beloved assistant like dirt and has sex with the handsome young plastic surgeon (Victor Webster) who gives her bi-weekly botox injections and medicinal marijuana. She's also the ex-wife of Colin Banning, the head of the network who handpicked Jenn for the show. Maddie will stop at nothing to ruin Colin's new protege, even sinking her own show.
Meanwhile, as Jenn's career is seemingly on the rise, Jack's tanks. He is fired from the LA newspaper he works for because of an expose he does on a corrupt politician (played by Gordon Thompson), whose brother (Corbin Bernsen) is on the board on the media conglomerate that owns the paper.
Depressed and unemployed, Jack starts his own blog to report about the sketchy goings on in L.A. Think: The Drudge Report meets Perez Hilton. When the site becomes a huge, Daytime Confidential-size hit (Yeah I've got an ego so what? Mama always said I was a Diana Ross, not a Supreme!), Jennifer finds her job in jeopardy because-you guessed it-the same media monopoly that owned Jack's old newspaper also owns the network that airs her new daytime show!
To draw in the teen and twentysomething crowd, Jack and Jenn's daughter Abby (Danica Stewart) secures an internship at a posh fashion magazine where she immediately clashes with Isis (played by Davetta Sherwood) another intern and scholarship student and has mad, hot sex with Brody. Wait...that's The Hills, my bad!
Isis believes Abby got her gig because of her famous parents and is determined to see Abby fail. No use complaining to Senior Editor and Intern Supervisor Matt Hamilton (David Tom). He's even harder on Abby-who he views as a spoiled brat-than Isis. But could that be because he's falling for her? Abby's little brother Jack Jr. (J.J.) is now fifteen as has fallen hard for media heiress Dominique Van Zandt, the daughter of the corrupt politician Jack is out to take down.
Okay, that's all for this episode of if Jamey Wrote The Soaps. I'll post my dream spin off ideas for the As The World Turns, Guiding Light, One Life to Live and General Hospital manana. That means tomorrow in Spanish. Sorry, I couldn't make the little thingy go over the "n".