The Russians Have Jake On General Hospital!! Where The Hell Was Sarah Palin???

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Now see there, those doggone Russian mobsters have gone and snatched up poor, innocent, little Jake Spencermaine from his sweet, noble, virtuous mama Elizabeth (Rebecca Herbst) on General Hospital and Sarah Palin, former Vice-Presidential nominee/Chief Russian Watcher was nowhere to be found! I thought she said she had an eye on them from her backyard??? Must have been too busy out killing turkeys, as opposed to peacocks, which is what Jeff Zucker and Ken Corday are doing over at NBC.

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Never fear little Jakey Pie, Sam McCall (Kelly Monaco) is on the case and with Brian Frons pimping and promoting this character ad nauseum, you can be sure she will not only save Jake, but cure Robin (Kimberly McCullough)'s HIV and hold a Wiccan ceremony that will resurrect Alan Quartermaine (Stuart Damon) from the dead, wait, scratch that last part, he is a Quartermaine after all. Keep the faith Liasonites!