Last Week's B&B: Death Becomes Her

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Phoebe (MacKenzie Mauzy) was back in town on The Bold and the Beautiful, and the virginal princess had an axe to grind. It seems that daddy’s little girl had the early onset of dementia too, like Beth. She’d completely forgotten that she was the one who broke up with Rick (Kyle Lowder) and even gave him and Taylor (Hunter Tylo) her blessing. Last we heard, she’d gone on a world tour with that greasy-haired Muppet Constantine, so all her vitriol came a bit out of left field.

Thorne “Plot Device” Forrester invited his family to come and see the fallout of his idiotic look-alike scheme. Look, mom and dad are gonna hook up! He’s a single father in his forties, why oh why does he spend his time trying to keep his horny old daddy and ball-busting mommy together? Seriously, Stephanie never gave two hoots about him – she was always too busy meddling in precious Ridge’s life. I’ll be happy when it all blows up in Thorne’s dumb face, although the thought of the inevitable Eric-Donna reconciliation makes me hurl. An old fool on Viagra and a two-dimensional blonde floozy purring do not make great soap romance. Donna in campy, supporting character mode is fun, but this dross is too much for me to stomach.

The Logan sisters bonded this week, and damn, I almost liked it. If Donna wasn’t such a shallow bimbo and if Katie hadn’t been written so haphazardly, then I would’ve really liked it. Katie was introduced as the stand-up, moral Logan, but was soon getting near-death pity-boinks from her niece’s fiancé, being a tomboy and worst of all enduring the ongoing perils of Katiekins. Shot through the heart, and Storm’s to blame... near-fatal injuries, heart transplant, pre-death roll-in-the-sand with Nick, followed by a pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage. So much drama, so little to care about. She was shoved so far down my throat I gag every time I type her name.

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Taylor was clearly knocked for six when Ridge told her his wedding to Brooke was the very next day – she started pouring tea into the creamer. That’s what Ridge can do to a woman. Either that, or induce chronic nausea, which I’m sure many viewers can attest to.

So, the big news – Phoebe’s death. After discovering Rick had also tried to hit on her twin, Steffy, she became even angrier. To cut a long story short (or in this case to cut a slapdash, rushed story even shorter), this happened: Phoebe argued with Rick and wouldn’t shut her trap. She got into his car to give him more earache. Bad move. She forgot to put a seatbelt on. Very bad move. She grabbed the wheel and continued screeching at Rick. By this point it was getting silly. She slammed her foot on the accelerator by mistake. That was plain dumb.

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By Friday’s episode, she’d been thrown from the car and was about to croak. She managed to hold on just long enough to give Ridge a quick burst of a song she’d written for him. Why couldn’t it have been “The Lady is a Tramp”, dedicated to Brooke? They missed an opportunity there.