I’m entering 2009 with a sense of dread when it comes to The Bold and the Beautiful. I’m scratching my head, trying to remember if there has ever been such an unappealing set of couples onscreen at once.
Deric (AKA Deriactric)
Donna and Eric: Their recent scenes aboard “Honey Bear Airlines” featured scantily clad Donna (Jennifer Gareis) and randy old goat Eric (John McCook) reuniting and joining the mile high club. Aside from the sexy stewardess routine, another highlight of their “romance” was Donna dressing up as a cat, crawling across the floor and purring at Eric. If this silliness continues, it’s only a matter of time before she starts lapping up milk from a bowl whilst he pets her. Brooke-lite and her honey bear are simply revolting.
Bridge (AKA BARF)
Brooke and Ridge: B&B’s most enduring “love story” has as many detractors as it does fans. A lot of us are tired of the never-ending obstacles and two-way waffling. Apparently, Ridge now knows “it was always Brooke”, but some of us can still remember his history with Caroline and Taylor. Brooke was the interloper from day one, they weren’t the eternal star-crossed lovers they’re now portrayed as. I don’t think Juliet married Romeo’s father, brother and half-brother, did she? Maybe Shakespeare left that bit out.
Aside from that, wasn’t Ridge an egomaniacal pig to both Taylor and Brooke – who wants him coupled with either one? The “sexy” sushi dinner Brooke and Ridge shared had many viewers gagging, and B&B was yet again parodied on The Soup.
Reffy (AKA Sick)
Steffy and Rick: One of the major storylines playing out at the moment is Rick and Ridge fighting over Forrester Creations. Eric sees both of them as his sons, and they both call him “dad”. The fact is that they were both raised as Eric’s sons, so Steffy is effectively Rick’s niece. Only the “reveal” that Massimo was Ridge’s biological father gives the writers any excuse for going down this path. Coming hot on the heels of Rick’s engagement to Steffy’s mother, and before that trying to bed her twin... it’s gross. Gross, gross, gross.
As for Steffy and Marcus – they have no chemistry, they’re boring, but at least they aren’t borderline incest. Steffy’s stuck between a rock and a hard place (well, a dumbass and a horny uncle. Ew).
Kick (AKA Kacky)
Katie and Nick: Katie and Nick bonded over pistachios, scotch and Nerf ball, before having an illicit off-screen shag. The terminal trollop swiftly regained her health and when news of their beachside boink came out, Nick’s marriage to Bridget was over. Despite the fact she was shot, lost a brother, had a heart-transplant, started to reject the heart, got pregnant and had a miscarriage (the ongoing Perlis of Katiekins), she still didn’t secure viewer sympathy. It probably did look like a win-win situation on paper: Heather Tom, Jack Wagner, high-drama – what could go wrong? They’re dull, dreadfully dull, with no soapy passion between them.