BREAKING NEWS: Sesame Street SLASHES Budget! Is Big Bird OUT? Will The Count go on Recurring?




We just got wind of SHOCKING developments on the set of one of television’s longest running daytime programs—Sesame Street. According to the Atlanta-Journal Constitution, Sesame Street is SLASHING 20 percent of it’s workforce. Could PBS pull a Ken Corday and FIRE his Biggest Bird?

Daytime Confidential spoke today with some of Sesame Street‘s veteran residents. Due to fear of blacklisting—you know how petty certain muppets can be—we promised to keep their identities a secret:

"This is an abso-vute vagedy. I vave veen velping vildren vearn to vount vor vover vee vecades! Vow vey vant to voot ve vout?" said one incensed SS vet, before asking what my blood type was.

"Well, I guess I shouldn’t complain, since I really don’t exist, right?" reasoned another long-term star. "I mean, I’m only a figment of the main character’s imagination, so it was really a good gig for an imaginary elephant if you think about it? Doh! Can you take out that part about my being an elephant? If that diva bitch Big Bird finds out I talked he will write me out of all his scenes next week!"

"This makes me so cross!" griped another Sesame Street star. "I’m the biggest draw on this show. Did you see the numbers before I started? They were in the toilet! More people watched that Mr. Rogers hack before I joined this *&^%$# show! I put Sesame Street on the map, but do I get my own dressing room like that %$^%) bird? No! They make me change in a trash can! The least they could do is let me change in the backseat of a car like the cast of Guiding Light! Why do birds get special privileges on this show? When are monsters gonna get our due? This is outrageous, and another thing, if they wanna make cuts, why not get rid of the newbies? I was a star on this show long before Rosie O’Donnell tickled that screen hog Elmo!"

"Will the cuts mean no more cookies at the Craft Services table?" wondered another vet.

"What my partner and I would like to talk to Daytime Confidential about is all this nonsense about All My Children‘s Rianca being daytime’s first same-sex union," said another Sesame Street star. "My husband and I got married last June in California, but we have been living together as muppet and spouse for decades!’

DC made numerous attempts to get an interview with Sesame Street superstar, Big Bird, but were told he planned to give his exclusive take on the situation to Muppets Opera Weekly or Muppets Opera Digest. Sigh, doesn’t he realize the mags always give the cover to Kermit and Ms. Piggy? Oh well, Old Media wins again!

26 Responses

  1. Profile photo of Scout
    Scout

    It’s about time somebody plucked that bird! LOL! Sounds like the anonymous Sesame Street vet and Kim Zimmer would get along just fine…

  2. Profile photo of Johnathon
    Johnathon

    @Sueboo–

    They already did, Cookie monster only eats ‘healthy’ snacks now *rolls eyes*

    This doesnt really shock me, they can really just take old episodes and splice together new ones.

    I feel bad for the cast/crew though.

  3. Profile photo of Jamey Giddens
    Jamey Giddens

    We’re hearing the show is going for a younger, hipper demographic. Elmo secured his place as the lead, by booking the PBS primetime reality hit "The Bestest Friend". He’s been re-writting scripts ever since the Tickle Me Elmo craze. TOTAL DIVA! Big Bird is asking fans to call the comments line.

  4. Profile photo of sueboo54321
    sueboo54321

    “You don’t take Cookie Monster’s cookies away! What kind of monster are you, sue?!”

    Hey, I am only keeping an eye on the bottom line. They could buy those cookies wholesale. Do you know what those damn girl scouts are charging these days? Beeeeotches!!!

  5. Profile photo of ashlovesgh
    ashlovesgh

    I swear if they get rid of my Cookie Monster, I will stop watching forever!! That poor Oscar…he has such amazing talent and they wrote his character into a corner!! Damn you writers!!! Lol I love my Seasame Street, it just breaks my heart.

    Ahhh lmao, great post Jamey!!

  6. Profile photo of season1217
    season1217

    Do you know what those damn girl scouts are charging these days? Beeeeotches!!!

    ROTFL! Maybe that’s why Betty White joined. Has to be better than what B&B paid her!

  7. Profile photo of elbugten
    elbugten

    Does this mean Super Grover won’t be flying as often? Which letters won’t be sponsoring the show as much? I hear the letters P and G and the number 13 are too busy with movies these days. Maybe some of the underused characters can move to Avenue Q.

  8. Profile photo of Luke Kerr
    Luke Kerr

    How could you slander Kermit and Ms. Piggy that way. Anyone and everyone knows they are the hippest of all the muppets. To make such a comment about the pioneers of inter-species relationships. They made it possible for a Frog and a Pig to fall in love.  Such ground breakers would NEVER be so limiting as to restrict their coverage to just the dinosaur media. 

    Kermit and Ms. Piggy are bigger than the Sesame Street gang and the Fraggle rock crowd combined. They are are anywhere and everywhere.

    Long live Kermit and Ms. Piggy!

  9. Profile photo of Spin865
    Spin865

    Elmo is the Sonny of Sesame Street for sure. Elmo and his cronies like Zoe have taken over the show. And vets like Grover and The Count are backburned like they are the PBS version of Bobbie Spencer! WEHT learning in the afternoon!

  10. Profile photo of Scout
    Scout

    Remember, people! Children’s television is a business. They don’t care what the audience wants. I hear The Count won’t go on recurring, so the producers plan to kill him off. It’ll also turn out that Ernie is his long-lost son and will inherit his entire alphabetized fortune!

  11. Profile photo of Jamey Giddens
    Jamey Giddens

    Remember, people! Children’s television is a business. They don’t care what the audience wants. I hear The Count won’t go on recurring, so the producers plan to kill him off. It’ll also turn out that Ernie is his long-lost son and will inherit his entire alphabetized fortune!

    ***
    Let’s hope Ernie made Bert sign a pre-nup, or he could walk awat with half the Count’s fortune! 1-2-3-4 million dollars!

  12. Profile photo of BartAllen
    BartAllen

    WHat about the way they have been ignoring vets like Grover for years for the new teen scene including ELmo.

    I have heard that a Grover storyline war proposed but turned down by the head of PBS, Rumors are that Grover might be leaving, and Grover is the man with his awsom work on the multiple personalities of grover including super grover

  13. Profile photo of Scout
    Scout

    “Let’s hope Ernie made Bert sign a pre-nup, or he could walk away with half the Count’s fortune! 1-2-3-4 million dollars!”

    Miss Piggy marries Ernie, who is now a monk, and gains control of the Count’s fortunes because he rejected her years ago. Bert won’t be a problem, though — he fell through a skylight!

    Rumor is Cookie Monster will change his name to Cookie Mobster and become a hitman whose legit business cover is as a chocolate chip importer. He’ll be paired with a new character named Crotch Cricket!

    Elmo and Miss Piggy will get a muppet-switch SL, while a tornado will soon Sesame Street to kill off some of the unwanted characters!

    Miss Piggy’s hog of a sister, a psycho Vegas stripper named Macy, will come to town to roofie and seduce Kermit, who once said hello to her — and she’s been in love with him ever since.

    Big Bird has been pushing for a DID SL, but instead the producers will reveal him to be the Sesame Street Serial Killer. If there’s too much of an audience outcry, it’ll turn out that The Count was controlling Big Bird’s brain and that the “dead” characters are being held in Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood.

    Oy!

  14. Profile photo of Jamey Giddens
    Jamey Giddens

    LMFAO! Jamey, someone needs to get you a sitcom! HILARIOUS! Smile
    ****
    What do you mean? This is no laughing matter! Big Bird is an international pop culture icon. If you think for one second I am going to stand by and watch TIIC kick him out of his nest, you have another thing coming! I don’t find this funny at all! Not even a little bit. I couldn’t stop Dena Higley, but I’ll be damned if I don’t stop PBS.

    (Jamey grabs a radish from the garden and bites into before dubbling over in pain.)

    As GOD IS MY WITNESS, BIG BIRD WON’T HAVE TO TAKE A PAYCUT!

Leave a Reply