Last Week's B&B: Baby, You Can Call Me Bill

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Taylor (Hunter Tylo) blurted out that Brooke (Katherine Kelly Lang) and Ridge (Ronn Moss) weren’t married – that was the “cliff-hanger” kicking off last week’s The Bold and the Beautiful. And guess what? She failed to reveal that the marriage was invalid. There’s a shocker, huh? Instead, Stephanie interrupted things and Ridge and Brooke remained clueless. Stephanie and Taylor then hung out and cackled like witches over their machinations to destroy Brooke and Ridge’s marriage. Their plan? To wait until the cracks begin to show and then make the announcement. Cunning. Ridge is such a self-important fool he’ll probably go for whichever woman is stroking his ego the most at the time. Score one for the corpse bride.

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Thought the Rick and Steffy nonsense was over? Think again. Rick relented and decided not to oppose car-bomber Thomas working at Forrester. Of course, Rick was only doing it to impress Little Miss Whiney, with whom he is infatuated. Either that, or he’s just trying to get at her father, Ridge. The writers can’t seem to decide... or maybe they just don’t care, which puts them on the same page as me.

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So, that’s two storylines that I don’t really care for. Enter Bill Spencer (Don Diamont), AKA Bearded Carlton. Stephanie met up with him – after a brief discussion they launched her Inside Fashion webcasts. Darn, they have some good IT people over at Spencer Communications. It took Katie two weeks to write a press release about Jackie M, but at Spencer Communications they launch websites in minutes. Eat that, Honey Bear! The webcasts came complete with slams against the “bitches in heat” or the “Logan bitches” just in case you didn’t get it the first time. Brooke should do her own webcast lambasting that mean old bat, reminding her of the time Stephanie tried to strangle Brooke with a telephone cord. Or pulled a gun on her. Or faked her heart attack. Morals, my ass.

Jackie continued her dalliance with Owen. She put a different spin on things by saying that if he failed to keep giving her sweet lovin’ he’d be out of a job. Owen tried to warn his other sweetheart – Bridget – that maybe he wasn’t so perfect. Then he promptly answered Jackie’s booty call in the steam room. You’ve gotta love the cougar Jackie, even if virtually blackmailing Owen into servicing her is a bit gross. Bathtub Betty was smokin’.

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Meanwhile, sad sack Bridget was mooning over Nick and reminiscing about the kiss they’d shared. I like Budge, she’s one of my faves, but she has a hottie like Owen trying to get into her spangly bikini, yet she can’t get Nick out of her system. Argh! This is the man who ditched her time and again, was obsessed with her mother, and ruined his last chance with Bridget by sleeping with her aunt. I mean, really. She needs to design herself a couture Jackie M dress with DOORMAT emblazoned on it if she’s gonna go there again.

Donna wanted Bill to take down Stephanie’s webcasts, but he was only willing to do that if she put out. There wasn’t much spark between the two of them – I really hope Bill gets to mix it up with some other B&B women sooner rather than later. Maybe Donna was attracted to him, I couldn’t tell, but it seems doubtful she’ll surrender her meal ticket with Honey Bear. Only a day or so earlier, there was yet another scene with her fooling around with a bottle of honey whilst sitting on Eric’s lap. Yes, I’m serious. Ugh.

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Brooke and Ridge talked (and I forced myself to stay awake). She promised she’d back him up against Rick should he cause problems. Just a few doors down at Forrester Creations, Rick was showing Steffy a dreadful Phoebe “tribute” DVD. It had her I’ll Always Love My Daddy song for its soundtrack, with an earnest voiceover from Rick lamenting the death of Curly Sue. There weren’t even any goth makeover scenes. Lame. So, all hell broke loose as Ridge, Taylor and Brooke saw the DVD and had differing opinions. Brooke was all oh, this is so sweet, while Ridge and Taylor were spitting blood. Morticia and Gomez were fuming – according to them it was Rick’s latest manipulation. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t... at this point I am pinching myself just to stay conscious through the Rick and Steffy angst. Ridge, blustering away as usual, to Brooke: “I told you very clearly what I needed!” You need a reality check, that’s what you need you pompous buffoon.

After Brooke and Steffy left the room, Ridge was on the verge of admitting his marriage was a mistake. All because of Rick? Puh-lease. The week ended with Taylor making the same claim she did the week before: Brooke and Ridge weren’t married. Well, thank goodness, because Brooke deserves better than that jackass. Take him, Doc. Relive the wonderful years when he made you play wifey try-outs with Brooke and impregnated Morgan. Yeah, it was beautiful.

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To see Stephanie's Logan-bashing webcasts click here and here. For Rick's nauseating Phoebe tribute, get yourself a sick bucket and click here.