Should Guiding Light Get Imaginary Bitches Creator to Take GL to the Web?

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Our pal Mary Montanari who writes the Soap Opera Examiner online column for Examiner.com has written an open letter to some guy named Andrew Miller asking him to help take Guiding Light to the web. I am sorry, I don't know what Mary is smoking, but this sounds like a TERRIBLE idea!  Here's a snippet:

Dear Mr. Miller:

Please pardon this intrusion, but I just had a thought related to your brilliant production of the Internet based show Imaginary Bitches and the untimely demise of Guiding Light.  You have managed to create, write, direct and produce a cutting edge show that has proved to be Emmy worthy.  The cast of IB is phenomenal and of course your talented wife (Eden Riegel) has much to do with that.  

I was just wondering if you would take a moment to entertain my thoughts.  You are obviously well connected to the world of the daytime drama through your wife's work (Bianca, AMC) as well the work of a few other IB cast members.  Surely you are aware that the Guiding Light will go dark on September 18th of this year.  

I thought you might be interested in taking this show to the Internet given the fact that its the longest running soap in the history of serialized dramas and because of the stellar writing and hot plots that have become a signature of this show lately.


Guiding Light on the web, overseen by a showrunner adept at capitalizing on the diehard fansbaes of wildly popular soap stars in launching a product that was actually committed to telling good stories prior to a cancellation notice? Why in the world would anyone think that is a good idea? That hack Millerdidn't have the creative vision to give Eden Riegel's charactercancer while having her love interest sleep with her sister. There were no skeevy greasers molesting teenage girls on that craptastic web show of his!

I'm sorry but the best soap producers are always out-of-work, and/or aging actors desperate to try "something new", so their old pals give them multi-million dollar revenue streams to play with. What does Miller know about producing a soap opera? He never played the dual roles of Marley Love and Victoria Hudson on Another World for Agnes Nixon's sakes!

Miller didn't inherit a soap from his parents that he grudingly has to mismanage even though he'd rather be composing tunes for Dionne Warwick, or checking out the holes on Peeble Beach. He didn't strike out in primetime and film, so he has to slum his way back to daytime with his tail and his tales (as in storylines) firmly planted betwixt his legs, while making one idiotic comment to the press after another, or making a big fuss out of hiring Q-listers to "shake things up" on the dying soap his buddy is letting him destroy. Given all that, what really has prepared Mr. Andrew Miller to run a soap opera in today's climate, I ask you?

Soap Opera producing is a very, very specialized skill Mary Quite Contrary. Just ask Ellen Wheeler, Brad Bell, Jill Farren Phelps, Julie Hanan Caruthers, Ken Corday and Chris Goutman.  It takes time and dedication to kill a soap opera, and something tells me Miller is not the man for the job!

Besides, Imaginary Bitches is a comedy, and not a very good one I'm afraid. Miller has been offering up payola for me to lie about his show, and the last check bounced all over town! Oh and Andrew, if you're reading this, no more Canadian coins in a Crown Royal bag, or BAM-4-Ever stickers either. CASH MONEY is the only way we can roll from now on out playa!

Sorry Mary, you may be able to turn the world on with your smile,  but don't quit your daytime job to go work for Ideas.com or nothing.  In my oh-so-humble opinion, the smart plan for keeping GL viable would be to launch a Guiding Light blog 10 years after it goes off the air this September, one that is written like a really bad Harlequin novel and call it Guiding Light Today. That will passify those pesky fans.The show's first "episode" can open with a soap-loathing passage about all of Reva's marriages. Maybe Roger Thorpe will return at the Bauer barbecue and Alex can say, "Roger Thorpe what are you doing here you devil?" Or something really swell and clever like that. (See Another World Today for reference). Oh, and one more thing before the medication wears off, or Luke Kerr disables my blogger account, I know Imaginary Bitches' leads Catherine and Heather pretty well—what happened on P.Diddy's imaginary yacht in the South of France, stays on P.Diddy's imaginary yacht— and there is no way those divas are changing in the backseats of cars during winters in Peapack. Who do you think they are, Kim Zimmer?