Last Week's B&B: Ridge Makes Taylor And Brooke Weak At The Knees, Part 52,739

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Steffy saw Brooke and Ridge hugging and got a little verklempt. Brooke went home to snivel over pictures of Ridge again, but Steffy was hot on her heels. Brooke said she’d “made a mistake” in ditching Ridgiculous. Steffy slammed Brooke for causing her father pain and was adamant that Ridge needed the peace and stability of Taylor/Steffy/Thomas.

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Stephanie gave Whip the lowdown on Brooke’s current situation and sent him over there to try and keep her away from Ridge. Brooke was surprised to see Whip in LA. Of course, there was some reminiscing and the two of them had a pretty fun smooch. Brooke yanked his chain by pretending she was ready to get fresh in the bedroom: “take me upstairs.” Alas, she once more confessed she would always love Ridge, and she wasn’t ready for humpy-pumpy yet.

Meanwhile, back at the crypt, Ridge told Taylor she was “stuck with him.” How true. Then Taylor had to go and spoil it all by saying that he was “the best thing that ever happened to either one of us,” meaning Brooke or Taylor. Seriously, we’re expected to buy that, despite the fact that he keeps pawing them both? Ugh. They both look pathetic trying to “win” that jackass. Ridge didn’t look too thrilled at Taylor’s marriage proposal, although their grown children clapped and whooped. Good ol’ daddy Ridge.

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The best cougar in daytime.

Thankfully, Jackie M livened up proceedings somewhat. Conflict was brewing between Whip and Owen as Whip undertook a PR campaign for “Indulge”. Bridget turned down the chance to be the face of the company, so Jackie stepped up instead, which didn’t go down too well with Owen. Jackie played the cougar, with a bevy of male beauties at her beck and call, then in the bathtub with Owen. Lesley-Anne Down was a joy to watch, as usual, and there was a nice spark between Jackie and Whip, which could be interesting down the line.

Ridge went to see Brooke. He told her he needed “peace and quiet” in his life. They tongued again. He told her, “I love you, but I’m going to marry Taylor.” Gee, that’s impassioned love, right there. After he left her sobbing, Katie walked in on a devastated Brooke and talked her into contacting the doofus. Brooke couldn’t help herself and sent Ridgiculous a text and a picture from their last (invalid) beach wedding.

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Thomas: "Remember the time dad impregnated Morgan

because he thought you'd emailed your approval?"

Taylor: "Stop it, you guys are cracking me up."

Taylor recounted her love story (and I use that term lightly) with Ridge to their children. Viewers gasped as she told her twit children how Ridge came to find her in St. Thomas, but omitted the fact that he was trying to get over Brooke. We watched in wonder as she recounted her cemetery resurrection and how she reclaimed Ridge. She forgot that Ridge kicked her to the curb for being a sanctimonious hypocrite shortly afterwards. It’s awfully boring to have this family reuniting over poor dead Phoebe... none of them ever seem to give two figs about poor dead Darla, poor blind Hector or poor dead Shane.

Bridget and Nick had a one month wedding anniversary, which was okay if you like that kind of thing. He gave her some earrings and for once didn’t moan about his mother’s sex life.

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Morticia and Gomez - together at last.

Steffy intercepted Brooke’s text message to Ridge. She replied, telling Brooke not to contact Ridge again. Taylor received a ring from Ridge and nearly wet herself with glee. Brooke continued to try and get Ridge back by text, saying “I will love U 4Ever – B”, which made me puke in my mouth a little bit. Steffy deleted that travesty and texted Brooke a picture of Taylor with Ridge, along with the words “leave me alone.” Brooke was sobbing again as she read the message supposedly from Ridge.

Next week maybe she will text, “U R gross. Destiny schestiny. I am so over you - B”. Well, I can dream, right?