Clink, Boom Bitches. That sound you hear is Bob Guza and the rest of General Hospital's amazing cast and crew grabbing their collective package and telling critics to suck on dees nuts! The "misogynistic" (Jamey chugs a swig of Vodka) sudser SKYROCKETED in the Nielsens the week of Feb. 1-5, 2010 (Source: SON), spiking with an incredible 240,000 additional total viewers. GH is also up among total viewers 198,000 peeps year-to-date.
In households, GH went up two-tenths of a ratings point, and is up one-tenth of a point year-to-date. Among the coveted women 18-49 demo, GH also shot up two-tenths of a point. As a card carrying Guza fan (in good times and bad, I ain't no fair weather blogger!) I am proudly sticking out my tongue and saying "Neener, neener neener" to all the haters. It's a soap opera! I don't get my morals from a soap, and neither should you. I get them from the bible and from the prophetic writings on restroom walls like God and my Mama intended.
No, in real life I wouldn't root for a mobster who shot a cop, but then again I wouldn't burst into hysterical giggle farts at the antics of a suburban housewife who sells dope with her kids like that lady does on Weeds either, but I do when that show comes on my television. GH is one damn good, character-driven, mythological hour of televised fun these days, and I am so happy about it's renaissance and ratings success. Who needs James Franco, when you have Maurice Benard, Johnathan Jackson and Dominic Zamprogna?
Elsewhere on the Mouse House daytime lineup. All My Children lost 127,000 total viewers, but the coast-hopping sudser is still up year-to-date 147,000 people compared to this time last year. AMC dropped one-tenth of a ratings point in households, and held steady among women 18-49. Today will be the first day I put AMC back on my DVR. I will have my Rosary Beads and a bottle of rubbing alcohol beside me tonight when I watch Greenlee (Rebecca Budig) marry David (Vincent Irizarry) in Madonna's dress from "Like a Virgin", but I am still hoping for the best.
Daytime's most consistently well-written and efficiently produced sudser One Life to Live lost 38,000 total viewers over the week. That's a lot less than AMC, however OLTL is still dead last in total viewers. OLTL dropped one-tenth of a ratings point in households, to tie As The World Turns for last in that demo as well. OLTL also dropped a ratings point among women 18-49.
Okay, not that our opinion matters one hill of beans here at DC, since OLTL's ratings tend to suck whether we think the show is amazing or whether we think it's a hot mess, but for the last few weeks, I have to admit, it's been the latter, and man does it pains me to type that!
I have come to hate Sweeps in Llanview. The show that I love to near True Blood-esque insanity most of the year always goes from primetime worthy heights, to cartoonish, cringe-worthy lows whenever trying to raise the price ABC can charge to sell Herpicin during the commercial breaks.
No offense to Roscoe Born,but I never, ever, ever want to see Mitch Laurence back on OLTL again. Mitch kidnapping Messica (Bree Williamson) has been some dismally bad television. However, the dramedy Mitch zapping Messica like a mosquito and targeting Stacy (Crystal Hunt) created this past week, with everyone racing around Harmony Llantano Mountain and starcrossed lovers John (Michael Easton) and Natalie (Melissa Archer) reconnecting, is helping the show rebound slightly from the out-of-character fits of plot insanity (Charlie as Dorian's dumbfounded henchman? Seriously?) that abounded during the week of Feb 1-5. Hopefully this will be reflected positively in the ratings once the next report comes out. WATCH ONE LIFE TO LIVE! (Hey, everyone has an off week or three, I still got love for Llanview!)
Okay, now that I'm already in tears, let's move on to CBS Daytime. The Young and the Restless added 31,000 total viewers. Y&R is down slightly for the year, but the sudser is still well over 5.2 million total viewers, which is pretty darn impressive. Who knows, maybe Sony will even let them go back to using two-ply toilet tissue? Y&R held steady in households at a 3.8, yet dropped one-tenth of a ratings point among women 18-49. Okay, so I ripped OLTL in my ratings column, it's only fair I call Maria and Co. out for their shit-nanigans as well. Jack Abbott (Peter Bergman) is about to marry Dr. Emily (Stacy Haiduk) after what, five scenes together? This is ridonkulous!!!
Maria The Arena Bell, do not mention yo' daddy-in-law in anymore interviews until you slow this plot driven, trainwreck of a show DOWN, you hear me? And sorry Uncle Paul, but Darius McCrary nor that Strawberry Shortcake Sheila Bot are "popping" anything but my zits whenever I frown too hard from seeing them appear on my screen.
I don't care if Richard Channing (William Russ Stephen Nichols) is mad at Angela Gioberti (Jane Wyman Jeanne Cooper) for not raising him. I want him to give Falcon Crest back to his Mama, put that damn eyepatch on and go back to Salem where he and Sweetness belong! Yep, I said it, Tucker: The Sequel is a bust too. Why do we need a third corporate raider in Genoa City? People tune in for Jack vs. Victor. Not Jack vs. Victor. vs. Patch. And where in high hell is Annette Funicello Reed Newman (Melody Thomas Scott)?
Mr. Magazine Covers finally came back (te he he) from opening for Cher on her Farewell Tour., so send Tucker packing. That is, unless you are gonna make him target Fenmores, so my Lauren (Tracey Bregman) can get a decent storyline that doesn't see her being tricked by a silly teenage girl. This is LAUREN for God's sake! This sexylicious woman caused Dollar Bill Brad (Don Diamont) to have a heart attack on a desk with the strength of her Hello Kitty alone. Why I think it could have melted him out of that ice if they'da tried it! Bregman and her fans deserve better than this.
And y'all over there at the House of Bell mean to tell me Blind Ass Adam (Michael Muhney) can see well enough to do corporate espionage? WTF???? Are you all crazy over there, or do you just think your audience is? Some of us do not breathe through our mouths you know, no matter what Madison Avenue says. This is just not Y&R. I have watched this show since I was suckling a teet (Okay, I'm lying, I was bottle fed, which accounts for my chronic nasal problems) and I do not recognize Genoa City. That being said, the ratings are good, so don't listen to me! I do this in my pajamas eating Thai after all. A dream deferred...
Y&R's sister sudser, The Bold and the Beautiful went up 50,000 total viewers for the week ending Feb. 5. B&B dropped one-tenth of a ratings point in housholds, but held steady among women 18-49. What remains to be alarming, and no one seems to be looking at but moi, is B&B's year-to-date numbers. They are down astronomically each week! For this ratings cycle, B&B was down 300,000 total viewers, and a staggering three-tenths of a point in households. A B&B insider recently told me, 'the money from the overseas take was once seen as an extra serving of gravy, now it's dinner." If B&B keeps shedding viewers at this rate, their overseas coffers will be but a bit of funky cheese on a cracker at a Bell dinner party, no doubt served on a Dixie paper plate, as opposed to Wedgewood. Strictly talking storyline, B&B is so much better than usual, what with its fashion house corporate intrigue featuring the newly-bitchtastic PR tramp Steffy Forrester (Jacqueline MacInnes "No Longer" Wooden). I suggest tuning back in, especially if you miss Y&R's real Victoria Newman (Heather Tom).
Now for As The World Turns. Oakdale shedded 147,000 total viewers over the previous week. ATWT also dropped one-tenth of a point among households and women 18-49. The cancelled sudser was down just shy of 400,000 total viewers year-to-date. ATWT is like a soap opera heroine suffering DID these days. One half of the show (the one with Jack, Carly, Janet, Holden, Lily, Damian, Molly, Meg, Katie, Henry etc.) is really good, and the other half (the one that has troopers Colleen Zink Pinter and Tom Pelphrey doing Herculean work trying to sell sci fi craptastica) is really bad. Even still the soap is proving a contender to most of ABC's lineup any given week. Ain't THAT a caution!
Last, but certainly not least is the Rocky Balboa of soaps, Days of Our Lives. The comeback soap of the decade added 14,000 total viewers over the previous week. DAYS is up 146,000 total viewers year-to-date. The Sony/Corday sudser held steady in households and among women 18-49 for the week. I have to admit, Salem is looking better with each passing episode. The Phillip/Melanie/Nathan/Stephanie quadrangle harkens back to classic 80's tortured love entanglements, and this is from someone who hated three-fourths of this quartet being on my screen just a few months ago. Mark Hapka (Nathan) especially will go far. I think Hollyweird should tap this talented young dude to play Peter Parker in the next Spiderman. And who knew Molly Burnett would ever be able to make Melanie Layton a rootable heroine? Does this mean one day I will like Amelia Heinle as Victoria on Y&R or Denise Vasi as Randi on AMC? You go wash your mouth out with soap for even uttering such filth! See you next ratings.
Numbers are based on Live+Same Day ratings
Ratings for the week February 1-5, 2010
(Compared to Last Week/Compared to Last Year)
1. Y&R 5,268,000 (+31,000/-87,000)
2. B&B 3,388,000 (-50,000/-300,000)
3. DAYS 3,123,000 (+14,000/+146,000)
4. GH 3,051,000 (+240,000/+198,000)
5. AMC 2,720,000 (-127,000/+147,000)
6. ATWT 2,484,000 (-147,000/-395,000)
7. OLTL 2,468,000 (-38,000/-8,000)
1. Y&R 3.8/12 (same/-.1)
2. B&B 2.4/8 (-.1/-.3)
3. DAYS 2.2/7 (same/+.1)
3. GH 2.2/6 (+.2/+.1)
5. AMC 2.0/6 (-.1/same)
6. OLTL 1.8/6 (-.1/-.1)
6. ATWT 1.8/6 (-.1/-.3)
Women 18-49 Viewers
1. Y&R 1,213,000 (-10,000/+17,000)
2. GH 1,065,000 (+152,000/+37,000)
3. DAYS 873,000 (+27,000/-54,000)
4. B&B 771,000 (-35,000/-56,000)
5. AMC 734,000 (-7,000/-54,000)
6. OLTL 692,000 (-25,000/-87,000)
7. ATWT 627,000 (-34,000/-127,000)
Women 18-49 Rating
1. Y&R 1.8/12 (-.1/same)
2. GH 1.6/9 (+.2/same)
3. DAYS 1.3/8 (same/-.1)
4. B&B 1.2/7 (same/same)
5. AMC 1.1/7 (same/-.1)
6. OLTL 1.0/6 (-.1/-.2)
7. ATWT 0.9/6 (-.1/-.2)
Girls 12-17 Viewers
1. GH 49,000 (-6,000/-1,000)
2. Y&R 38,000 (+11,000/+9,000)
3. DAYS 37,000 (+19,000/-7,000)
4. AMC 26,000 (+11,000/-2,000)
5. B&B 18,000 (-2,000/same)
6. OLTL 17,000 (-6,000/-18,000)
7. ATWT 14,000 (-11,000/-13,000)
Women 18-34 Rating
1. Y&R 1.2/8 (same/same)
2. GH 1.1/7 (same/-.1)
3. DAYS 1.0/7 (+.1/same)
4. AMC 0.8/6 (-.1/-.1)
4. B&B 0.8/5 (same/same)
6. OLTL 0.7/5 (-.1/-.1)
7. ATWT 0.5/4 (-.1/-.2)
Men 18+ Viewers
1. Y&R 1,265,000 (+45,000/-91,000)
2. B&B 786,000 (+42,000/-106,000)
3. DAYS 658,000 (-23,000/-3,000)
4. GH 572,000 (+35,000/-111,000)
5. ATWT 534,000 (-2,000/-85,000)
6. AMC 501,000 (-93,000/-8,000)
7. OLTL 447,000 (-21,000/+28,000)
Day-To-Day Ratings - HH/Total Viewers
For the SEASON September 21, 2009 through February 7, 2010
1. Y&R 3.8
2. B&B 2.5
3. DAYS 2.3
4. GH 2.1
4. AMC 2.1
6. OLTL 1.9
6. ATWT 1.9
Women 18-49 Rating
1. Y&R 1.9
2. DAYS 1.5
2. GH 1.5
4. AMC 1.1
4. B&B 1.1
4. OLTL 1.1
7. ATWT 1.0