Wishful Casting/Storytelling/Soap Spoof: Lesli Kay as One Life to Live's LeAnn Demerest!





As much as I enjoy seeing Gina Tognoni on my screen again, especially on a soap opera with actual sets and good production values, I can't say I've been exactly electrified by Kelly Cramer's storyline since she returned to Llanview on One Life to Live. While it was hella good fun to see Kelly mixing it up with her Aunt Dorian's (Robin Strasser) former toyboy, David Vickers, sorry Buchanan, (Tuc Watkins) in Gay Paree, I have been less impressed with her interactions with Todd (Trevor St. John) and Blair (Kassie DePaiva) since arriving back in Straightview. Blair already has a perfectly good rival for TAWD in TEYAH (Florencia Lozano), so why attempt to fix what isn't broken by uncomfortably trying to squish Kelly into their orbit?

This particular pickle got me to thinking about other possible storylines that would better serve Kelly's history and Tognoni's talents. I said to myself "Self, what would you do with Kelly if you were writing her?" After I looked around to make sure no one saw me having a full blown conversation with myself in the Big and Tall section of Dillards, I started thinking about Kelly's storied history with the Buchanan family. Let's see, she has boinked both of Viki's (Erika Slezak) sons, Kevin (most-recently Dan Gauthier) and Joey, and for a bonus round she shagged a Buchanan grandboy, played by some reality show contestant. It's the last development that inspired my inner fan fiction writer the most. The last time KC was in town, her evil love box caused a tornado to destroy the city, killing poor Duke Buchanan and blinding Evangeline (A not-so-sassy Renee Elise Goldsberry). Let that be a lesson to you laddies. If you eff your daddy's wife, a natural disaster will take you clean out, and rob the only black woman in town of one of her senses. It's in the bible.

What if Duke's mother, LeeAnn Demerest is somewhere out there smarting over the death of her beloved son? What if LeeAnn is blood thirsty for revenge over the loss of her boring offspring? Since the only appearances Yasmine Bleeth has added to her resume in recent years have been the occasional police lineup, I say recast the role with a sexy, lookalike soap starlet like Lesli Kay! Come June, soap opera's most frequent flyer will once again be out of gig, that's when Christopher Goutman will hammer shut the coffin on production of television's now longest-running scripted series, As The Microchips Turn.

Instead of Kay going back to The Bold and the Bewildering to wring her hands over the goings on of Jacqueline MacInnes Wood and Jennifer Gareis, why not let her stay put on the East Coast for awhile to assume the role of LeeAnn on One Life?

Picture It: A mysterious figure with red talons palpitates news clippings announcing Kelly Cramer's enagement to remarry Kevin Buchanan. Okay, it's 2010, so instead of news clippings, picture the talons typing on a keyboard to bring up the Banner.com where she sees the engagement notice next to an advertisment for WASH IT! (TM) brand feminine hygiene products. The mysterious minx is so hacked off she picks up her laptop and crashes it into the wall. Don't worry Fronsie, the PC is still under warranty, so once Dell sends  over a new one to OLTL's lone Gotham-based soap studio, you can dispatch one of your minions to pry it out of poor, efficient Frank Valentini's hands to send it to one of your pet show runners out in LA, although Jill Farren Phelps wil most likely wait to hear back from a focus group before deciding to boot it up.

Flash forward to Kelly and Kevin's wedding, when the mystery babe shows up, dressed in black and sits in the back, veiled, all mysterious like.

Dorian: I don't know who that veiled bitch is, but I want to know where she bought her hat!

John McBain: So do I!

(Marty and Natalie look on stunned).

John: What, heifers? Someone has to be the token gay cop now that Fish is gone!

(Just as Kelly and Kevin are about to say their "I Dos", LeAnn stands up, retrieves a derringer pistol from betwixt her ample bosom and fires off a round. Someone is hit, but who?! Suddenly, Teen Messica lunges for the assailant, whom she thinks she spies hiding a piece of scenery in her purse that Messica desperately wants to chew. In the scuffle, Teen Messica knocks the mystery woman's hat to the ground, revealing an oh-so-stylish bob.)

Gigi: See, THAT's so the look I was going for!

Rex: Me too!

Rex and Gigi's brat: Me Three!

Sierra Mist: Where are my daddies? Why am I named after a beverage choice?

Tom Pelphrey: Hey Teen Messica, I have an extra piece of scenery if you're still hungry?

Roxy: I was fucking Delia Ryan.

Viki: Oh my GAWD, it's LEEAnn Demerest!  I can't DEAL with this, I only have ONE life to live. I need to go to Brussels, Georgia to FIND myself for THREE months. Don't worry, I'll be back soon, with a whole SLEW of side characters that will be written out in 2011.

Announcer: And the Daytime Emmy goes to, Erika Slezak!

(Robin Strasser pull out a pair of brass knuckles from her Christian Lacroix clutch.)

Who was shot? Hell, I don't know! I don't even know how this is supposed to end. Maybe this soap writing stuff is harder than I thought? Carry on.

 

 

Comments

CarlyCfan's picture
Member since:
14 May 2009
Last activity:
10 hours 23 min

Kelly Cramer is back? Really? I'm not sure about it, i mean, this woman does look like Kelly, he's being called Kelly but she isn't Kelly Cramer at all.

sassysdreams's picture
Member since:
1 January 2009
Last activity:
1 week 3 days

Why is this entry showing up under General Hospital's heading when it has absolutely nothing to do with GH?

OLTL and AMC are in a race to see which is the most boring in my opinion!

Member since:
22 January 2008
Last activity:
22 hours 42 min

Because Lesli was once on GH.
 

sassysdreams's picture
Member since:
1 January 2009
Last activity:
1 week 3 days

Jamey Giddens wrote:
Because Lesli was once on GH.
 

OK.  I wish she still was on GH.  I would love to see her bring Lois back!

Member since:
13 December 2009
Last activity:
1 year 48 weeks

I think if you're going to have LeeAnn yank a derringer pistol from betwixt her ample bosom, you already need a recast. Smile

Least though, you put some actual thought into Kelly being back on canvas. I don't get why all these shows bring in name Soap Stars on a whim, without any thought as to what to do with them once they're on the show. 

As much as you seem disappointed in what they're doing with Carly Manning over on Days, they at least had, not only a solid plan to bring her onto the show with a bang, but they've actually mapped out a long term storyline for Carly, that has her interacting with half the cast and generating decent story for those characters as well.

Member since:
3 November 2009
Last activity:
2 years 25 weeks

well, if the writing was as amusing as Jamey writes it, maybe I'd stick around in Straightview.

EricasEvilTwin's picture
Member since:
15 July 2008
Last activity:
5 weeks 10 hours

NAH this show needs another woman in that age range like I need a hole in the head.  The only woman I would even want to see show up in town would be Alicia Minshew with TK as Zach Slater for a potential triangle with Marty down the road.

If they bring back LeeAnn i could deal IF it meant getting DG's Kevin back as well.

OLTL NEEDS KEVIN!!!!!!

Member since:
3 November 2009
Last activity:
2 years 25 weeks

ugh, don't we have enough scenery chewers already? whaddya want to bring TK on for, unless it's to usher off the oh-so-boring Marty Snorebrook

Member since:
11 March 2010
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4 weeks 5 days

ROFL... that's funny. The sad thing is it would be better TV than what they have on now. How sad is that.

alstonboy4315's picture
Member since:
12 February 2010
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6 weeks 3 days

I love Lesli Kay, and I agree that her talents are being wasted on B&B, where Brad Bell let's his little staff of under 30-something hair models control the show, but with all the bad press that OLTL is getting, I wouldn't be surprised if it gets the axe within the next two years. With all of B&B's faults, this show offers much more job security than OLTL does at this time. If Frank Valentini can find some way to revitalize the show and make it WATCHABLE, then perhaps I could recommend that show to actors in six months or so, but right now, it feels like a sinking ship.

Member since:
2 January 2008
Last activity:
1 year 13 weeks

I remember cominghome fromschool watching oltl.And the whole leeann,marty,jason triangle.Personally i think oltl needs some more accomplished actors and im rooting for maura west to turn up as tina lord roberts

Member since:
28 December 2009
Last activity:
3 years 19 weeks

JAMEY!!! OMG I DIE! Seriously, i read this ish religiously, hardly commenting...but this this i couldnt resist. LITERALLY laughing out loud! I want your version of OLTL foreverrrr. Loves it. But as much as I love Lesli, I kinda think I'd like to see Miss Nose Candy back on the the tube. Shes a 2-soap vet, right?  She could actually have a career again...

discodan's picture
Member since:
8 February 2009
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3 years 47 weeks

 Jamey = funniest person I've ever met in my life. I have never laughed so hard.

I agree that Lesli Kay should go back to GH now that Adrianne Leon is back as Brook Lynn. Imagine her going up against Olivia (and God-willing Kate). FIRE! ABSOLUTE FIRE! Pair her with maybe Matt Hunter... and have the two cougars clash.

Member since:
18 February 2008
Last activity:
47 weeks 4 days

I'd watch it! I love Kelly (*this* Kelly, the woman with a sense of humor, mind of her own, and goals other than reproducing), and would hate to see her get sucked the black hole that is Todd and Blair.

Also, I have to say -- I never thought I'd want to see Kevin and Kelly together again. But his proposal was very sweet, and the actors really do have wonderful chemistry. I'd like to see them find their way back to one another.

Member since:
30 May 2009
Last activity:
45 weeks 4 days

Love Jamey's idea! Lesli is wasted on B&B. I think I would rather her out to steal Kevin's heart & that maybe Kelly would smarten up and accept his proposal.

Sadly snarkgirl85 is right about the T&B blackhole devouring OLTL.