SOAP BYTES: Target Practice, Alamania and Starr Manning Arrives in Port Charles

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GH BYTES: So Cole Thornhart (Van Hughes) escaped from prison on One Life to Live and reunited with Starr (Kristen Alderson), only to possibly be killed off on General Hospital? Heavens to Betsy! Daytime Confidential’s Melodie Aikels is right, if Cole dies,  Marty Saybrooke (Susan Haskell) needs to come to Port Charles and take out the mob. #MadMarty2012  Welcome to Port Charles, Starr!

Garin Wolf is a hack. The man, who gave us the reprehensible story of Lisa (Brianna Brown) using Robin's (Kimberly McCullough) blood as a weapon, left us with one final, stink bomb — the revelation that The Lady in White scratched and clawed her way out of the petrified womb of Helena Cassadine (Constance Towers)! 

Barring the existence of a secret vat of Mikkos Cassadine’s sperm, Irina cannot be a Cassadine. Helena is only a Cassadine by marriage afterall. Alexis (Nancy Lee Grahn) has more claim to the Cassadine name than Irina does. This isn’t rocket science, but maybe she's had her daughter on ice all these years? Who cares. Not me. I have never accepted Sam (Kelly Monaco) being Alexis’ daughter, but that development was Shakespearian by comparison. It is unfortunate such drivel is undermining the fantastic performances we've been seeing on GH this week.

Oh, and does anyone care that Helena has been holding Luke (Anthony Geary) captive? I used to love Luke and Tracey (Jane Elliot), but Luke is gone so often now I don’t really notice his absences anymore.

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DAYS BYTES: Spooky man watching John (Drake Hogestyn) and Hope (Kristian Alfonso) in the airport on their way to Alamania. Hope: “Get in. Get out, before the bomb goes off. John: “Or before Stefano (Joseph Mascolo) gets a hold of us.” Oooh…I’m scared. 

Ka-pow! That’s a right hook for you! Rafe (Galen Gering) clocked the hell out of EJ (James Scott).  Rafe to Nicole (Arianne Zucker) “Your husband had sex with my wife.” Five, four, three, two, one….Nicole instantly combusts into…wait for it…disappointment. Have to admit, I didn’t see that one coming. I expected her to slap the hell out of EJ almost instantly. BAM! There’s the slap I was waiting for!

If Chandler Massey doesn’t win an Emmy in 2013 he will have been robbed!  Like last year, Massey’s work has been phenomenal. Will's coming out scenes with Marlena (Deidre Hall) were five star.

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B&B BYTES: It’s more than a little disturbing how many people on The Bold and the Beautiful seem so invested in Hope (Kim Matula) losing her virginity.  I don’t think there’s been this much talk of a young woman’s “purity” since Charity on Passions.

So Bill (Don Diamont) has fantasies about Brooke (Katherine Kelly Lang)? Katie (Heather Tom), Steffy, Brooke, who next Stephanie (Susan Flannery)?

Speaking of Stephanie, I need to see more of her on my TV.

Do you think Liam (Scott Clifton) is jealous of Rick (Jacob Young)? I just think he’s an idiot.

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Y&R BYTES: I love a woman who knows how to use a gun. Desperate Housewives’ Bree Van de Kamp (Marcia Cross), Nikita (both Peta Wilson and Maggie Q) and on Friday, The Young and the Restless’ Lauren (Tracey Bregman). I can’t help it; I’m a sucker for them.  Which is another reason why I can’t wait for the premiere of Good Christian Belles to see Annie Potts as gun-toting Gigi Stopper.  But back to Lauren, can anyone say red herring?

Daisy (Yvonne Zima) getting her freedom is a joke.

Daniel (Michael Graziadei) may not have wanted his daughter, but it was nice to see how protective of his baby he became when Daisy showed up. Maybe there’s hope for him yet?