SOAP BYTES: Target Practice, Alamania and Starr Manning Arrives in Port Charles

GH BYTES: So Cole Thornhart (Van Hughes) escaped from prison on One Life to Live and reunited with Starr (Kristen Alderson), only to possibly be killed off on General Hospital? Heavens to Betsy! Daytime Confidential’s Melodie Aikels is right, if Cole dies,  Marty Saybrooke (Susan Haskell) needs to come to Port Charles and take out the mob. #MadMarty2012  Welcome to Port Charles, Starr!

Garin Wolf is a hack. The man, who gave us the reprehensible story of Lisa (Brianna Brown) using Robin's (Kimberly McCullough) blood as a weapon, left us with one final, stink bomb — the revelation that The Lady in White scratched and clawed her way out of the petrified womb of Helena Cassadine (Constance Towers)! 

Barring the existence of a secret vat of Mikkos Cassadine’s sperm, Irina cannot be a Cassadine. Helena is only a Cassadine by marriage afterall. Alexis (Nancy Lee Grahn) has more claim to the Cassadine name than Irina does. This isn’t rocket science, but maybe she's had her daughter on ice all these years? Who cares. Not me. I have never accepted Sam (Kelly Monaco) being Alexis’ daughter, but that development was Shakespearian by comparison. It is unfortunate such drivel is undermining the fantastic performances we've been seeing on GH this week.

Oh, and does anyone care that Helena has been holding Luke (Anthony Geary) captive? I used to love Luke and Tracey (Jane Elliot), but Luke is gone so often now I don’t really notice his absences anymore.

11 Responses

  1. Profile photo of soapfan616

    A woman takes out the mob on GH! From your column to the soap goddesses’ ears! Unfortunately, GH still needs women to be victims. Breaking down NuKate. Standing by her killer man Sam. Tracy Q who can’t fight back. The list is endless.

    I do find it interesting that the “Helena’s my mommy” plot is attributed to Wolf. Probably correct. But I still think there was time to stop that stupidity. I know it’s hard to stop a speeding wreck of a train on a dime but the new regime could have curtailed some of this nonsense that is spilling over to them.

  2. Profile photo of sodsince16

    Still not embracing the multi-page structure…

    The lady-in-white thing is mildly plausible if she is the same age as Ethan, and Helena is close in age to Luke. It seems very OLTL to have the B story be a bit campy/horror/gothic when the A story is depressing.

    I really enjoyed Will’s kiss. It was a parallel to Sami’s sexuality and it told us something about Will – he’s passionate, impulsive and emotionally driven. We never got those qualities from his relationship with Gabi which signals us that this is the true Will. I would not mind a bit of “sluty Will” who uses his sexuality for his gain, in that same way that Sami did. I would enjoy a “coming out” story that was about a character coming into their own than just being about denial/acceptance. Will is not a victim and the only way that this story will loose me is if he is forced to become a victim for storytelling purpose.

  3. Profile photo of soapjunkie88

    Someone wrote that Cassandra should have been Stefan’s daughter if she had to be a Cassadine at all. I think that would have been better for the story. I mean how old is Helena??? This woman is over seventy, are we really supposed to believe she has a daughter that’s so young? Anyway here’s hope we just can forget about this disaster very soon.

    Michael Graziadei needs to cut his hair. Then Daniel needs serious growing up to do and then we can talk about hope for this boy. ;) Or MG should just get a pilot and get out of there as long as he still can.

    Bill … and Brooke!? I hate B&B for their five seconds of insanity. Next week Brooke becomes the obsession of Bill’s life. Two weeks from now, Brooke ends up pregnant with Bill’s child after mistaking him for Ridge (by his arrogance) in a moment where she couldn’t see for 30 minutes in a result of a fire she was in the other day. Brooke and Bill agree that their love child has to be a secret, Brooke covering it with giant clothes and giving it up for Bill and Katie, who finds out she can’t have any children. Ridge, who while Brooke was pregnant didn’t get any sex, returns to Taylor, which lets Brooke confess her love to Dollar Bill – “Oh you’re ego is so much bigger than Ridge’s. With you everything is so different. You’re the love of my life.” Bill is shocked, because he only used Brooke to save his marriage to Katie with a child. :P :P :P Don’t say this can’t happen on B&B.
    Oh come on … in all seriousness, this show needs to take itself more seriously.

  4. Profile photo of Trish8148

    If coles dies does that mean Ford is alive someone tied up to a bed? Oh GH was good. By the way does anyone else think Anna knows something is up by the way she acted?

    ON Days thrusday and friday show was great

    Did not watch B&B or Y&R this week

  5. Profile photo of Cyberologist

    Helena is Arina/Cassandra’s mother? As a Cassidine fan this is absolutely ludicrous … But I saw early on that Gagin was a hack w/an inability to get his vision across I truly believe he couldn’t do a thing with Frons & Phelps perched on his shoulder. He is a terrible writer who is so bad I can’t even begin to figure out his problem.. We have a spot somewhere to list the positive/negatives of the Wolf .. thenquickerthanthis Wolf/Altman era? I remember some were listed before but now that he no longer appears in the credits….

    posts I’ve read: the era of the dirty blonds, his pacing was slow, execution sloppy, depressing storylines, he hacked over previous storylines, same Jason/Sonny worship as Guza, misogynist …

  6. Profile photo of The_Moustache

    B&B needs to put Bill & Steffy back together. They were red-hot and their chemistry was off the charts.

    it’s a shame they’re making him stand by Katie when he was going to dump her and start a new life with Steffy before her heart attack.

  7. Profile photo of Bourgeois Nerd
    Bourgeois Nerd

    Honestly, I don’t know who wrote the lunacy of Helena being Cassandra/Eirene’s daughter, but I don’t care, either, and I don’t think RC does, either. I think he’s just trying to get it over with as quickly as possible.

  8. Profile photo of marybee50

    My takes on Fri;

    GH-BORING-such a waste of Robin’s legacy-her death mixed with the mob/Helena’s stupid stories.Just tuned in for reactions to Robin’s death and only got 3;Patrick’s(JT knocked it out of the park)Anna’s(this could just be a normal reaction to hold things together for Patrick)Mac’s(made me cry)Oh yeah also 1/2 for Sonny’s reactions.

    Days-best of all,still building stories with maybe the best yet to come.Ari Z brought it home with her reactions to EJ and Sami.Can’t wait for the next part of the story.Chandler is just the best.

    B&B-yea Liam is an idiot just like Dad.And Hope not even 21 and all she wants to do is get married so she can lose her virginity.What a role model.

    Y&R-To paraphrase Aerosmith-Lauren’s got a gun.Please not another murder mystery.Just couldn’t stand it.

    By the way this is sweeps month right.Really can’t prove it by some of the shows.

  9. Profile photo of wasabi

    If, as Cole reminded everyone on Friday’s episode, the Cassadines had the technology to freeze Port Charles back in the day, then it wouldn’t be a huge stretch from that craziness to think Helena could have had some frozen embryos stored away that could have been carried for her by a surrogate. (Why those embryos would be wasted on such a boring, useless character like Cassandra, however, is beyond me.) If they were going to do an over the top storyline like the Ice Princess, why didn’t Helena just have her favorite son cloned and point him toward Lulu as a way to mess with Luke?

  10. Profile photo of lizzyann70

    GH in my opinion can’t get any worse! Helena being Cassandra’s grandma yes mother LAUGHABLE!! Although CT looks fabulous for her age, she is clearly too old to be her mother! I was hoping for more out of Robin death! They made the first 2 days about Sam begging to save Jason, save Jason thats what Robin would want Save Jason BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! So sad I love Robin and this is the send off! So far it stinks!

    NOW Days…Love Will, how he is his mothers clone!!! I love the way he interacts with grandma Marlena! His disgust is the SAME as we saw all those years ago with Sami! John and Hope, I hope it purks up a bit but I’m giving it a chance! So far so good!

Leave a Reply