Drake Hogestyn

Days of Our Lives is Getting Très Boring Again (VIDEO)

As EJ (James Scott) and his possibly preggers concubine met in the park Tuesday on Days of Our Lives, Sami (Alison Sweeney) was filling her O.G. baby daddy in on her upcoming nuptials. Don't expect Lucas (Bryan Datillo) to make a toast to EJami's eventual wedded bliss anytime soon. I can't wait until Sami learns her ex-hubby's sweet little niece, Abigail (Kate Mansi), has been screwing her man! 

Abby's mama has much more boring problems of her own. Jennifer (Melissa Reeves) confronted Theresa (Jen Lilley) about those silly photoshopped pictures.

Seriously, DAYS? You guys go from kick-ass storylines about taking down priest-drugging sociopaths, to "riveting" arcs about hospital personnel pranks and love at the PTA?

Jennifer is a 40-something woman with two grown children. Why is she starring in a Kelly Kapowski plot from a very-special episode of Saved By The Bell? Aren't you supposed to spring forward this time of year, as opposed to falling backwards into snoretastic storytelling habits?

Thank the Soap Gods for Eric Martsolf. His drunk, boy-bitchy Brady Black salvaged the episode by sassing back at his daddy. John (Drake Hogestyn) really made a mess of his family, didn't he?

Wishful Storytelling: Why not have Brady and Theresa get married during a bender in Las Vegas? After a marathon session of boozing and snorting coke off of one another's body parts, Brady decides he wants to stay married to the nubile temptress!

As a wedding present, Brady offers Theresa the newly-vacated editor-in-chief position at Titan's Bella Magazine. Unbeknownst to Brady, Victor (John Aniston) has offered the job of president of Titan's media division to Jennifer — at Maggie's (Suzanne Rogers) insistence!

Then you could have Jennifer and Theresa squaring off at glam Titan industries, as opposed to that drab hospital. Theresa can even bring over Anne (Meredith Scott Lyn) as the publishing house's new veep of human resources! 

Things really get crazy at the House of Titan, when Theresa proposes a spinoff magazine from Bella, focused on impossibly hot men. She christens the new vehicle Man Candy! Jennifer and Maggie are appalled.

Sexy, young Salemite hunks JJ (Casey Moss) and Ben (Justin Gaston) could be tapped to model for the rag — and satisfy insatiable trophy wife Theresa's sexual appetites, once a drug-addled Brady becomes impotent! Meanwhile, budding, young writer Will Horton (Guy Wilson) does his best Dominick Dunne/Graydon Carter impersonation by penning smart essays for both publications.

Will becomes the toast of the literati, much to Sonny's (Freddie Smith) dismay. Can their love affair survive Will being whisked off to New York, Milan, London and Paris to dine and dish with the most elite and horny gay style makers in the world? Will's uncle Eric (Greg Vaughan) could also go to work for Titan, creating brilliant photo essays for the Kiriakis family's periodicals.

This would also provide story for Sami and Kate (Lauren Koslow), as Countess Wilhemina and Mad World Cosmetics jockey for the best advertising placements in the Midwest's most relevant style bibles.

Watch the latest DAYS recap video after the jump!


"Hey, Doc": John Black Returns This Week on Days of Our Lives! (PROMO)

It's the week Jarlena fans have been waiting for! Salem U.S.A.'s answer to every spy movie hero from Bond to Bourne, John Black (Drake Hogestyn), returns this week on Days of Our Lives! Will Marlena (Deidre Hall) welcome him with open arms and a sultry purr?

Speaking of the noises made by a cat in heat, Nicole (Arianne Zucker) is thisclose to making love to Eric (Greg Vaughan). Will the ex-padre find out the woman he loves destroyed evidence which could have kept him a priest?

On the other side of Salem, Jordan (Chrishell Stause) stuns Rafe (Galen Gering) with plans to ditch town. Watch this week's DAYS promo after the jump! READ MORE

Crackheads United: Will Brady and Theresa Find Common Ground on Days of Our Lives?

Whoever tricked Brady Black (Eric Martsolf) into searching for an MIA Kristen (Eileen Davidson) in a crack den, really set the dimwitted hunk up for failure! Next week on Days of Our Lives, John Black's (Drake Hogestyn) eldest offspring gets high with the drugs he lifted from the crackhouse. READ MORE