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Once Upon A Time When Television Was Scripted

The merciless monster that is Reality Television continues to seek out and devour much of the broadcasting and cable landscape. Forgive all the vivid imagery, I've been reading J.K. Rowling. Okay, no I haven't, but I thought that would sound good. Anyhoo, as Luke just reported,  Lisa Rinna, who had breakout roles on Days of Our Lives and Melrose Place, once upon a time when television was scripted, has booked a TV Land reality sitcom for herself and hubby Harry Hamlin, he of L.A. Law fame.


Don't get me wrong, I am actually a fan of some reality shows. I love nothing better than screaming obscenities at that diva-vicious  Kimora Lee Simmons during a weekend marathon of her show and, like Ellen Wheeler, I even ocassionally get sucked into the vapid world of L.C and Speidi on The Hills (Could you imagine if they brought Kristen from Laguna Beach on and she teamed up with Speidi against the evil Lauren? Soap Opera Heaven!) but instead of getting my wings, I shed a tear every time a talented actor ends up slumming on reality sitcoms or dramas.

Rinna and Hamlin were amazing during their brief stint on Veronica Mars a few years back, not to mention the sleazy-good Lifetime movie Sex, Lies and Obsessions they did together. Why aren't their agents trying to book similar projects for them, instead of some hot mess project for TV Land? I mean at least get them on Bravo or E! for booking out loud!


 If Rinna hosted a reality acting competition or Hamlin a game show it wouldn't bother me as much, because hey, you gotta do what you gotta do to make that paper, but since the viewing audience has known for years that there was absolutely nothing "real" about such shows as The Osbornes or Newlyweds, the format has become more than stale. 

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I think maybe its time to send over some Daytime TV executives so they can do to reality television what they've done to the soap opera, kill it deader than Pauly Shore's career. Then they can blame O.J. Simpson, the automobile industry, hell they can say the butler did it in the pantry with a knife for all I care, just as long as it flatlines.

I mean seriously, is Reality TV really (snort) the last simblance of hope for fading stars and starlet whom execs have deemed past their prime? Is this what poor Deidre Hall has to look forward to now that Ken Corday has tossed her out into the streets of Burbank, while Molly Burnett threw Marlena's limegreen She-Devil contact lens at her, yelling "Scram Doc, I'm the future of this show!"? Will cameras soon be following Genie Francisto the bakery or en route to pick up Commander Riker's dry cleaning? Soap God I hope not! 


The four or five CEOs who basically run Hollyweird have pretty much already decided they would rather fill our airwaves with cheap, dumbed down projects for people who breathe through their mouths, featuring such "stars " as those Miss Emily Post School Graduates on The Real Housewives of Atlanta and that is fine, I suppose there has to be a place for everything, but can't real actors still be allowed to act?

Okay, so Rinna was never gonna cause Dame Judi Dench a sleepless night before the Oscars, but she definitely gave good soap vamp. Couldn't she have held out for at least a cameo on the new Melrose Landing or an update of Party of Five at Falcon Crest

I'd rather see Hamlin in remake of Clash of the Titans, dress, sandals, Medusa's bloody head and all, than watch him make eggs for his tykes, set to a goofy, sitcom soundtrack while playing Desi to Rinna's Lucy, or make that Nick to Rinna's Jessica.

The Devil is SO busy and I fear I'm losing my powers to fight him. This must be how Buffy felt during that one episode where she contemplates giving up slaying the undead. Come to think of it, television executives are a lot like vampires. They suck the life's blood out of their respective genres, then go lurk in the darkness so they can't be exposed by the light. Oh well, there's alway The Young and the Restless. Salutations.