10. The Bold and The Beautiful has been downgraded to "The Passive-Aggressive & The She'll-Do-at-Closing-Time".
9. Viki Lord on One Life To Live had to lay off one of her multiple personalities.
8. You have to have a better HMO to watch General Hospital.
7. Erica Kane on All My Children figures she'll just live with the guy instead of paying for another wedding.
6. The Guiding Light can't afford its electric bill.
5. Days of Our Lives is living month to month.
4. As The World Turns is spinning a little slower.
3. The Young and The Restless's Katherine will forgo this year's facelift.
2. General Hospital can't afford Laura to come out of her coma until May.
1. If Passions were still around, it'd just be called Flirts.