I have been holding off on Wishful Castings for the cast of Guiding Light until we knew what would happen with a possible move to cable, and although TeleNext hasn't made any updates of late, learning that Crystall Chappell is returning to DAYS pretty much tells me all I need to know. It's time to start figuring out where the rest of GL's talented stable of actors could end up. While I am really sad to see GL go, out of the death of daytime's longest running soap, new life could be breathed into the rest of this stagnating industry. Before diving into the A-list GL stars this weekend, I'll start with an actor who is giving General Hospital's Drew Garrett (Michael) a run for the distinction of being daytime's breakout young adult male of 2009—Zack Conroy (James). I would kill to see Conroy create the role of a teenage Kyle Abbott on The Young and the Restless.
Kyle is the son of Jack (Peter Bergman) and Diane Jenkins (first Alex Donnelley, then Susan Walters).
Here's a little ditty 'bout Jack and Diane,
Two American kids growing up in the heartland
Sorry, had a John Cougar Mellencamp moment. Where was I again? Oh yeah, Kyle! Like his cousin Abby, Kyle is a product of the infamous Kay Alden sperm caper that saw several, seemingly sane, fortysomething socialites—Nikki (Melody Thomas Scott), Ashley (Eileen Davidson) and Diane—running around stealing Victor Newman's (Eric Braden) happy juice from one another.
Diane was motivated out of a sense of being cheated out of her chance to bear a little Mustache of her very own during her brief marriage to Victor. You see, when Nikki almost died after having several caps busted on her at the Newman Ranch by one of her more forgettable husband's psycho exes—they have really got to get better security on that property—Victor asked Diane to allow him to have their marriage annulled, so he could give Nikki her dying wish, to remarry him on her deathbed. Personally I would have asked for the trip to Disney World.
Unfortunately for Diane, rumors of Nikki's death were greatly masturbated, er exaggerated. Nikki survived and retained the title of Mrs. Black Knight, while Diane was left with bupkis! Thankfully Diane's pal Michael Baldwin (Christian LeBlanc) helped her snag a nice block of Newman stock in her divorce settlement, not to mention a seat on the Newman board, which she promptly used to help Michael (yes Victor's homeboy once pulled a Brutus move), Jack and the man now known as The Bradsicle (Don Diamont) temporarily seize control of Newman Enterprises. In the end, Victor got his company back, but at a price, Jack and the Abbotts finally got Jabot back!
Diane wasn't happy to just sit back and collect stock dividends, oh no! She wanted some of Victor's more liquid assets. So she did what any bitter ex would do. No, not star in a movie with Diane Keaton, Bette Midler and Goldie Hawn, ending with a rollicking song and dance number just before the closing credits. She lied to the sperm bank where Victor had deposited some of his pre-vasectomy swimmers, saying she was still Mrs. Victor Newman and had the love glue sent to her in a nifty, high tech ice chest. Getting grossed out yet? Alden apparently wasn't. She seemed to love penning Have Sperm, Will Travel
Anyway, our plucky heroine Nikki learned of Diane's nefarious plot and switched Victor's boys with those of his arch nemesis Jack Abbott, resulting in Diane being inseminated with Jack's fishies, instead of Victor's—the equivalent of having to settle for imitation crab, when you are really craving Main lobster.
Not to be outdone, usually principled chemist Ashley Abbott decided it was high time she righted a decades-old wrong. When she and Victor were first together in the mid-80's, Ash aborted the tycoon's baby without his knowledge, causing him to scream at her about finding her on a stripper pole, no wait, he found Nikki there. Scratch that. Anyhoo, Victor got seriously pissed off and Ashley of course lost all of her marbles like a kid who is really terrible at strategic thinking on a street corner in Brooklyn.
Ashley decided the only logical way to right her previous wrong would of course be to steal Victor's sperm from Nikki and have the sample inseminated into herself with plans of never telling Victor she was carrying a second child of his. Something tells me a copy of Doug Marland's rules weren't sitting beside Kay Alden's computer when she spun this particular yarn, or even a copy of The Monster at the End of This Book for that matter.
Flash forward nine months or so and unto Genoa City two children were born, Abby and Kyle. Gossip Girl-esque Abby showed back up in town in 2008 with her mama, but we haven't seen or heard from Kyle since Diane grabbed up her little living science experiment and moved with him to Chicago.
This particular dangling patern-i-cipal drives me to destraction! How ridiculous and maddening is it to see Jack racing all over town literally begging cast off Newman wives to let him play surrogate papa bear to their children whe he has not one, but two sons (Keemo, the son Jack sired with Vietnamese true love Luan hasn't been mentioned in years either) of his own somewhere out there? I bet Kyle is like that poor, animated rodent from The American Tale movies, sitting in his window seat on Lake Shore Drive in Chi-Town singing that one day his father will remember him or his older brother in the midst of giving one those grade-A tear duct workouts about how much he's dying to be a dad!
Kyle Abbott should hate and despise his father the way Scarlett hated and despised Melanie Hamilton Wilkes for basically abandoning him for all these years. While Jack has been doting on that obnxious little brat Noah (Kevin Schmidt), what has become of Kyle? I know I sure as heck would like to find out, and Zack Conroy would be just the person to help accomplish that. Conroy has been a revelation on GL since his first airshow. In the streets and open fields of Peapack, Conroy managed the unimaginable,he actually made Bonnie Dennison (Daisy) bearable.
Imagine Kyle Abbott arriving in Genoa City with a massive chip on his shoulder. Maybe he could seduce that annoying Eden away from Noah, or get involved in a steamy affair with a woman twice his age, like Lauren Fenmore ( the woefully-underutilized Tracey Bregman)?
As for Kyle's mother, Diane played a huge role in starting Jack's ex-wife Patty Williams, aka Mary Jane down the path toward talking to dead cats. Diane returning to introduce Kyle to the canvas would serve a two-fold purpose, it would add some much need sizzle to the teen set, and play out an integral beat in the Jack/Patty story. How will crazy Mary Jane react to Jack having a child with the woman he cheated on Patty with on their wedding day? Soaptastic minds wanna know!