Is it misogynistic to have Taylor and Brooke mud wrestling over waffling Ridge? Yes. Is it entertaining, and is B&B getting a hell of a lot better? Oh yes! It made me laugh. Normally, I just bang my head against the nearest hard surface until I forget all about Rick and Ridge’s rooftop brawls, Steffy and Rick’s insipid romance, and Donna’s honey-drenched bazongas up in Honey Bear’s face. The writers have been putting things right for a while now, and it seems like they’re finally onto a winning streak.
In time honored fashion, Ridge called the shots with his two broads. “Girls, meet me in my dad’s office,” he said to Taylor and Brooke. They tottered along, both eager to massage his bloated ego a little more. He had plans for them–he sent them up to Big Bear for a “therapy” session with James Warwick. Let me just say this. James was engaged to Brooke once upon a time, and Big Bear is where Taylor banged his brains out in an adulterous romp many moons ago (they were caught in an earthquake and forty year old virgin James didn’t want to die without getting some). Aside from that, and the fact that it’s clearly Ridge who needs therapy, a wonderful idea.
Brooke, don't you ever ask me whether I preferred your
dad or your son in the sack again.
Katie and Bill had dinner. He asked her if he had to keep throwing away multi-million dollar deals to keep her interested. He went so far as to say, “I need you Katie Logan and I’ve never needed anybody.” He got up, moved towards her and snogged her right there in the restaurant. Surprisingly, none of the other diners shouted “get a room!”
Over at Jackie M, Owen was in demand for an interview in his hometown. Before he went off on his promotional duties, they had some hot stuff up against a refrigerator, and then went at it in front of the fireplace. They’re hot, but throwing Whip into the mix is making this even more intriguing. Speaking of Whip, after trying to plant a kiss on her in the office, he went home and discovered that their apartments were connected via the roof garden (and she’d left her door open), so he walked in on her and freaked her out. Not long after, we saw someone flipping through pics of Jackie and Owen, and then STABBING A KNIFE into a pic of Owen. Holy mackerel, who could it be?
Jackie was a dab hand in the kitchen.
Like any good psychiatrist, James waved about some burning sage and had Taylor give Brooke a massage. Taylor nearly ended up strangling Brooke, so James suggested they have a mud bath. “You’re both getting in... together!” Perfectly logical. James had imported mud from the Red Sea, because he’s thoughtful like that. Submerged in mud, the ladies chatted about how they’d annoyed each other in their attempts to win Ridge. Both started to get pissy and it escalated into a full blown mud fight with Taylor drawing a single mud tear down Brooke’s face, and Brooke taunting Taylor. They both acted pretty immature, but it cracked me up. How much would Ridge have loved watching two women virtually mud wrestling to win his fickle heart?
That's great girls... now try it without the robes.
After that, James suggested they talk and/or smack each other with big inflatables. They did both. In the middle of it, dream man Ridge decided to grace them with his presence. How did he react? True to form, he acted all self-righteous and told them off. James was knocking back the whiskey, as he thought he’d failed. Taylor and Brooke hugged to prove James wrong, though they couldn’t resist a few digs at each other.
Owen’s live TV interview was broadcast, but something was amiss. Jackie and her colleagues watched in shock as Owen dissed her. “Jackie, sweetheart, I’m sorry but you got punk’d!” He’d been taking her for a ride and using her, or so he said. Afterwards, a distraught Jackie went home, drank herself some good liquor and then went to see Whip. Owen called and tried to explain, but Jackie was having none of it. Meanwhile, Whip got fresh with her, and in her devastated state, she succumbed.
The next day the truth came out about Owen's interview. And wouldn't you know it–Owen had been replaced by his (never-before-mentioned) identical twin Casper. It was his evil twin's dastardly plan! This is so silly, but it gave me a laugh. Jackie forgave Owen, but was left feeling guilty knowing that she'd sexed up Whip the previous night.
Did you ever watch Sunset Beach? Remember Ben and
his evil twin Derek? It's kinda like that...
Bill went to meet Katie for a date by the pool, but Donna stuck her nose in and convinced Katie to hide in the bushes, whilst she tried to seduce him. This was so she could prove that Bill was a no-good philandering pig. He resisted rubbing suncreen onto Donna (it was nighttime, after all) and when she asked for something "sweet and sinful" he shoved a donut in her mouth. Ha! Bill had passed the "test", so Katie came out of the bushes and they did some smooching. He revealed that he'd written a glowing article about her for Eye On Fashion, which pretty much amounted to a public love letter. They smooched some more. Adorable.
The most startling revelation of the week was that James had used his techniques on the KGB, the CIA and the FBI. He’d “turned terrorists into pussycats” by making them massage each other, have mud baths together and then hit each other with inflatables. That man needs to have his license revoked.