Summer hasn't even officially started yet, but several soap vixens are causing temperatures to rise! On All My Children, there's Hurricane Annie (Melissa Claire Egan) blowing her way through JR's (Jacob Young) marriage.One Life to Live has manipulative, teen she-bitch Hannah (Meghann Fahy) coming betwixt those starcrossed (downs shot) lovers Starr (Kristen Alderson) and Cole (Brandon Buddy). Over in Salem on Days of Our Lives there are so many bad girls I think I'm watching a reality show on Oxygen (or is it We? No, DIsney Jr?), from nasty Nicole (Arianne Zucker) to unhinged "Nightime Hope" (Kristian Alfonso) and don't get me started on Vivian Alamain (Louise Sorel), who will still be plotting stunts and scandals when she's in Shady Pines, Ma.
With so manyPretty Little Liars running amuck across the soapyverse this summer, it's darn near impossible to pick a favorite. I have narrowed it down between two— blonde hellcat Abby Newman (Marcy Rylan) on The Young and the Restless and Bensonhurst Bombshell Brook Lynn Ashton (Adrianne Leon) on General Hospital.
Rylan has done the unthinkable. She's made Y&R enjoyable again as VIctor Newman (Eric Braeden) and Ashley Abbott's (Eileen Davidson) lovechild...okay, lab experiment. As Joy Behar would say, "So what, who cares?" her Mama borrowed a little genetic goop while Victor wasn't looking, It happens! Anyway, Rylan's Abby reminds me of my favorite, spoiled soap daddy's girl, Fallon Carrington Colby, as played by one Ms. Pamela Sue Martin on Dynasty. Seeing an ambitious, reality show-obsessed Abby run game on her relatives has given me a reason to once again excitedly hit play on my DVR every evening to watch Y&R. Now if they give her a doppelganger, I can't make any promises I'll stay so cordial. In fact I might just go PLUM crazy!
Over in Port Charles, an all-grown-up Brook Lynn has returned from Bensonhurst in a little more subdued manner. Unlike Abby, who makes her motives heard loud and hilariously clear, the only people privy to "Brookie's" scandalous intentions are loveable tech geek Spinelli (Bradford Anderson) and Brook's benefactress, Carly Corinthos Jacks (Laura Wright).
While Carly's silly scheme to break up Dante (Dominic Zamprogna) and Lulu (Julie Marie Berman) has me rolling my eyes (Seriously Carly, you dismantled Bobbie and Robin's lives in much more psychologically-fascinating, less paint-by-numbers ways), the infectious Leon redeems the storyline by visibly conveying Brook's reservations about Carly's stunt, and displaying chemistry with Zamprogna so erotic, I want them to smear marinari sauce all over one another, just as naked as they came into the world, and lick it off, complete with a plate of garlic bread!
Lante was on the verge of becoming that token, sanctimonious, overly-used, ABC Daytime couple who ends up making the audience hate them— after having first adored them— because their "all-consuming love" is shoved down our throats, i.e. OLTL's Rex and Gigi, AMC's Zach and Kendall. Brook Lynn came just in time to morph this increasingly one-sided pairing, into a red-hot, 3D triangle.
Now if Brook will just pull a Bobbie Spencer (Jackie Zeman) and enlist the help of her Uncle Dillon (last played by Scott Clifton), to also return to Port Chuck and help her scheme against Lante, the way Bobbie got Luke (Tony Geary) to help her come between Laura (Genie Francis) and Scotty (Kin Shriner), we'd have a ballgame. ATWT's Billy Magnussen is available! Anyhoo, now it's your turn.
Which scorchin', summer schemer are you enjoying best?