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Luke’s Six Soap Opera New Year’s Resolutions

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Pity the Fools at Days of our Lives

For a very long time the terrible state of All My Children forced me to create “Luke’s All My Children,” a wonderful place without contrived murder mysteries, where an abundance of bad actors aren’t devouring screen time and where Greenlee (Rebecca Budig) and Kendall (Alicia Minshew) go toe-to-toe as frenemies. It is a place that has Adam (David Canary) and Skye (Robin Christopher) in the Chandler mansion, where they belong, and where like DC's Jamey Giddens suggested, Turbo Liza (Jamie Luner) and Bianca (Christina Bennett Lind) fall for one another. Until the uber disappointing 2010 I’d never had to create a “Luke’s Days of our Lives” because even through the wildest of storylines, it would still pull me in. As 2010 wound to a close, however I found myself visiting “Luke’s Days of our Lives” more and more.

You see, “Luke’s Days of our Lives” is a wonderful place where Sami (Alison Sweeney) is still Salem’s bad girl, duking it out with Kate (Lauren Koslow) and/or Nicole (Arianne Zucker) and not letting someone like EJ (James Scott) use the stupidest of excuses to keep her away from her children. It’s a place where Stefano (Joseph Mascolo) is still bad ass and pulling all the strings, not seving as a window dressing for EJ. Vivian (Louise Sorel) is not plagued by a terrible wardrobe. In my fantasy Salem, Marlena (Deidre Hall) has returned and Corday has stolen Eileen Davidsonaway from The Young and the Restless to reprise her multiple roles. It’s a place where Crystal Chappell isn’t wasted and where Will (Chandler Massey) and Chad (Casey Deidrick)  get to know each other much “better.” It is also a place where Kirsten Storms and Jason Cook have returned as Belle and Shawn. As much as I enjoy my fantasy Salem, I’d trade it all in instantly for a well-written actual version that keeps me on the edge of my seat.


Find the Humor in One Life to Live’s John McBain

Ok, so this is more of a belated Christmas wish than a New Year’s resolution. Watching stuffy, old John McBain (Michael Easton) take part in Lamaze class and going "hee, hee, whoo, whoo" was one of the few times since he walked in on David Vickers (Tuc Watkins) doing tai-chi that I’ve enjoyed him. One Life to Live needs to create more opportunities that force John McBore to find his funny bone. Until then, I am resolute in my desire to see a Brody (Mark Lawson) and Natalie (Melissa Archer) pairing.


Try to Understand the Villy Love on The Young and the Restless

If you’ve listened to the Daytime Confidential podcast, you know that Jamey LOVES Billy (Billy Miller) and Victoria (Amelia Heinle) on The Young and the Restless. If it weren’t for All My Children’s Rylee, Villy would have been my personal pick for Worst Couple of 2010. It’s a new year so I’m going to give them another chance, if only because I’m such a big fan of Miller. There is no question the burden of proof will be on Amelia Heinle this year. Can she deliver? I guess we’ll see. No matter what happens I’ll still have Shadam to get me through it.

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Cut All My Children a Break Once in a While

This may be the hardest of all my resolutions and I fully expect to fail miserably at it. Over the past few years All My Children has rarely given me a reason to cut it some slack. The show did, however, improve, if only marginally, in 2010. The last two months of 2010 gave me hope. Maybe I’m being too much of an optimist, or maybe I'm looking at AMC through rose-colored glasses, but in 2011 I hope it gives me more reasons not to see tuning in as a chore.


Do Not Flip the Channel or Fast Forward Everytime Donna is on The Bold and the Beautiful

I was wrong. Giving All My Children a break won’t be the hardest resolution to keep in 2011. This one will. Why is Donna (Jennifer Gareis) still a part of The Bold and the Beautiful's bloated cast? Thirty short minutes is too valuable to be wasted and it needs to get rid of more than a few pointless characters, like Donna.


Come to Terms, Ahead of Time, With Sam’s Inevitable Miracle Baby

 The year 2010 was one of personal growth for me. I no longer despise Sam (Kelly Monaco) with the burning passion I once did. I’ve accepted she’s a part of Port Charles the same way I’ve accepted that Sonny (Maurice Benard) and the mob are always going to dominate General Hospital. I may not like it, but it is what it is. The revelation was helped along by my newfound belief, some might call it delusion, she doesn’t actually have a single strand of Casssadine DNA in her. Instead, Alexis (Nancy Lee Grahn) was just the vessel chosen by Xenu to carry his love child.

With rumors of a potential miracle pregnancy for Sam swirling around the web, the inevitability is eating away at me. It isn’t going to be easy, but somehow I’ll rationalize the impossible once again (Editor's Note: Well I sure as hell won't!). I just need to figure out a way to wrap it all up in a box, all pretty like, just has I have her existence.

What are your Soap Opera New Year’s Resolutions for 2011?

RELATED: Luke's Six Pop Culture New Year's Resolutions For 2011