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One Life to Live Recap: It's Raining Men

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Author's note:  Sorry for the delay, folks!  You can thank Chicago Blizzard 2011 for that.

Viki: Let me tell you something... Dorian Lord is twenty times the woman that you will ever be. You know what? I have had it! Get out!

Natalie and Jessica are exhausted new moms, but Viki thinks they should party. Nat and Jess discuss seating charts, but they are interrupted by an officer placing them under arrest and in handcuffs. Gigi, Kelly, and Vivian arrive, and are amused to reveal that the officer is a stripper.

Echo enters the kitchen, but Viki wants her out because they are having a private party. Echo brings soup to Charlie, and Viki is livid that Echo is in their bedroom. Dorian arrives and reveals that Rex had another D.N.A. test as Echo returns. Dorian says that the test named Charlie as Rex’s father, and when Echo tries to blast Dorian for interfering, Dorian insists that Echo just wants to get closer to Charlie. Echo says that Viki and Dorian’s schemes are what’s pushing Echo and Charlie together.

At the Palace, Cutter and Aubrey are amorous (on Clint’s camera), but Aubrey says they must go to the parties and get everyone to trust them. After Cutter leaves, Rama arrives to confront Aubrey. Aubrey apologizes and promises that she’ll help Rama and Vimal, but she’s surprised when Rama threatens to expose her.

At Rodi’s, John, Brody, Rex, Joey, and Shaun toast to the wedding. Cutter arrives and wonders where the strippers are. Rex agrees, and John promises Rex strippers and barnyard animals when Rex gets married. John confides in Brody that he’s a nervous, but happy. John and Brody decide to leave, much to Rex’s chagrin.

Todd is ready for a horror movie night, but Tea has a party to attend. She suggests that Todd go to John’s party, but Todd wasn’t invited.

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Dorian calls Echo pathetic, and Echo responds that Dorian’s jealous. Viki defends Dorian against Echo’s tirade, and throws out Echo, because Echo doesn’t have to live at Llanfair to get to know Rex. When Viki goes to pack Echo’s bag, Dorian stops a threatening Echo from following, relishing the thought of a throw-down.  Viki calls a cab, and tosses Echo's belongings outside. Echo thinks that Viki and Dorian make a “cute couple,” but she promises that once they no longer have a common enemy, they’ll be at each other’s throats again. Dorian thanks Viki for her defense, but she reminds Viki that Echo will tell all to Charlie. Viki knows, but it was worth it.

Tea and Roxy join the party, and Tea immediately joins in the fun, slapping the stripper’s butt. Vivian is surprised by Kelly’s non-existent love life because Kelly is a catch. The stripper hands over the cuff keys, and Roxy releases Natalie and Jessica. John and Brody arrive, and Tea is thrilled that there are “more strippers!” John says they’re “second shift.”

Shaun congratulates Joey on his engagement, but mistakes Kelly for Joey’s fiancée. Shaun apologizes, but Joey confides that he and Kelly have a complicated relationship. Shaun thinks Joey still has unresolved feelings and he advises Joey to make sure before getting married.

John and Brody weren’t expecting a “Roman orgy” at Llanfair, and they promise that Rodi’s was tame. Jessica and Natalie kick out Brody and John to honor superstition, and the happy couples share goodnight kisses, excited for the big day.

Outside Rodi’s, Kelly asks Vivian for confidentiality about Joey, and Vivian deems Kelly’s woes a “heart problem.” The ladies go inside, and Rex teases Gigi about the male stripper. Rex has moves too, but when Gigi scoffs, Rex insists on proving it. Vivian and Shaun discuss Kelly and Joey and devise a plan.

Roxy starts the music as Rex, Joey, Shaun, and Cutter strip in front of a hollering crowd. Roxy thinks Viki missed out. Shaun and Vivian lie to get Joey and Kelly to the storage room, placing a chair in front of the door to lock them in. Kelly falls from a chair into Joey’s arms, but they shake off the moment and try to leave, only to discover that they’re trapped.

Todd arrives at Rodi’s, hanging up on someone from whom he “doesn’t take orders” and insisting that he has things “under control.” Todd asks Vimal, who’s drowning his sorrows, if he’s with the bachelor party, but Vimal gets agitated when Todd mentions Brody’s name. They discuss their wives, and Todd thinks that Tea owes him for lying about Dani. Todd jokes that Vimal never listens to him anymore, but sensing Vimal’s despondence, Todd comforts him with a hug and encourages Vimal to fight back. Todd leaves, and Rama arrives, having been called by the bartender. Rama apologizes, confessing that Aubrey betrayed her. Rama has a plan: they’re going to crash the wedding.

Cutter and Aubrey return to the hotel, where Aubrey tells Cutter about Rama; Cutter is unfazed. He’s irritated when Aubrey throws him out because Joey will be returning.

Tea returns home to a sleeping Todd, whispering in his ear that she missed him.