David: Dorian, you’re the reason I’m alive.
Phyllis Rose reports the latest scandals in Llanview. Her topics include: Cristian and Kassandra Kavanaugh getting arrested; Dorian and David’s wedding; “Terrible Tess,” who should be called “Mess”; and Clint being “Suspect, Numero Uno,” with Bo gunning to close Eddie’s case.
David can’t marry Dorian. She’s crushed he’s going to humiliate her again, and Viki orders David to explain. He received a call, and Dorian fears it’s another woman. It was his agent: a movie is being made about David’s ordeal, and they want him to play himself, rather than be played by the “hack, Tuc Watkins.” Brian Dennehy is Bo, and “someone horrible,” like Mel Gibson, will be Clint. Angelina Jolie has been offered the role of Dorian, but she feels Susan Sarandon would be better.
Dorian is heartbroken David is leaving her for a movie, but David has two dreams: to be famous and to marry Dorian. However, if he has to choose, he chooses Dorian. Viki insists this will give Dorian time to plan a wedding she deserves, but Dorian wants to get hitched immediately and be by David’s side for the film.
In the background of Hold the Pepperoni 4, Rex spies Clint exiting Eddie’s room, holding the murder weapon. He beams over the slam-dunk evidence, but he’s upset his father’s a murderer. Rick, the producer, refuses to hand over the evidence unless Rex agrees to a starring role. Rex is “flattered and curious,” but declines. Rick stands rapt, as Rex waxes poetic about letting down Bo. He’s touched, and hands over the DVD. Rick insists Rex is a “born actor,” and encourages him to consider the franchise in the future. “Go with God.”
Nora recalls turning around, but she can’t remember what she saw, and she’s disappointed. She apologizes to Bo, but he’s supportive, knowing that even if she did see Clint, a decent attorney would argue Diminished Capacity. They need hard evidence, because otherwise, they don’t have much. They’re disheartened until Rex bursts in with proof against Clint. They watch the DVD and then Bo receives a call from Viki. As Nora secures an arrest warrant, Bo will attend David’s wedding. He races out, but returns to assure Rex that he “did good.”
Nora thanks Rex for his hard work, but wonders if he’s prepared for Clint’s downfall. Rex is eager to see Clint get what he deserves.
Bo apologizes for his tardiness, promising he was securing a wedding present for David. The ceremony is expedited, and Dorian delivers heartfelt vows, while David offers genuine, if wacky, sentiments. Viki and Bo congratulate the “First Couple,” but Bo looks ill when Dorian thinks she should now call him “Pa.” Viki showers them in rose petals, as Bo receives an encouraging text.
Rama enjoys “Access Llanview” while eating popcorn. Clint watches curiously until he startles her. He’s interested in her prickly relationship with Aubrey, certain Rama has blackmail information, but she feigns ignorance. Clint offers an alternative: team up with him. An alliance with Clint comes with dire consequences, and Rama chooses to trust her instincts. Bo is out for justice, and Rama wants to sit back and watch. Later, Bo arrives with an arrest warrant.
Cristian and Kassandra Kavanaugh are arrested. They blame each other until Blair arrives with bail, wondering what happened. Cris defended her honor against a gym rat by punching him. She offered her legal services to the man until he referred to her as an ambulance chaser, which prompted her to punch him herself. A cop informs Cris that the man isn’t pressing charges against Cristian, but Cris feels responsible. He offers to help, and when he returns, all charges are dropped. The man didn’t recall the specifics of Kassandra’s vocation, and Cris threatened wrongful arrest. She kisses Cris and hands him a business card with her personal number.
Brody blasts Ford for Tess shoplifting, but Ford insists he can’t control her. He leaves Tess a threatening voicemail as Langston arrives. She’s returning his Christmas gift, not wanting something so expensive when Ford and Ryder are struggling. She admires Ford for becoming a “new and good man,” but she’s looking for a similar fulfillment; he sadly wishes her luck.
As Cutter and Tess are making out, Jessica reemerges, and she’s horrified and confused when he calls her Tess. She blasts him for having full knowledge of her other personality and taking advantage anyway, but she’s desperate to return to her children. She opens the door to Brody, who’s elated as Jess runs into his arms, assuring him she’s back. He explains everything, and Jessica is frantic to reclaim her life and Ryder.
Cutter has lost his “cash cows.” On his way out to find another, he’s approached by Rick, who wonders if he has acting experience.
Brody and Jessica arrive at the apartment, and Jess is horrified to learn she has a key. They enter, and Ford blasts Tess for jeopardizing the case. He’s stunned when Jessica reveals she’s back and she and Brody are there to reclaim their son.