What is it about certain soap characters that make everyone in their respective fictional towns pitch tents in their trousers, and/or leave unfortunate puddles on their leather office furnishings? While soaps are filled with awesome lovers, we've decided to count down 15 soapers who must have Kryponite between their legs, because they tend to make much too many sane and seemly people go weak in the knees and in the head!
No. 15: Liam Spencer, The Bold and the Beautiful
Liam Spencer (Scott Clifton) has had stepsisters Hope Logan (Kimberly Matula) and Steffy Forrester (Jacqueline MacInnes Wood) fighting over it for well over a year now. Is the publishing heir working with something serious downstairs, and if so, how do the ladies know about it, since all they ever do with Liam is a lot of heavy-petting? Maybe he's just really good with his hands?
No. 14: Dr. Addison Montgomery, Private Practice and Grey's Anatomy
Dr. Addison Montgomery's (Kate Walsh) insatiable sexual appetites have busted up friendships on not one, but two of Shonda Rhimes' ABC soaps. On Grey's Anatomy, her McSteamy affair with hubby Dr. Derek Shepherd's (Patrick Dempsey) best friend Dr. Mark Sloan (Eric Dane) wrecked that relationship for years. Later, on spinoff sudser Private Practice, Addie pulled the ultimate galpal no-no by screwing Sam Bennett (Taye Diggs), the ex-husband of her BFF Naomi (Audra McDonald)!
Despite her hoe-ish ways, Addison has managed to have two men, Sam and Dr. Jake Reilly (Benjamim Bratt), fighting to be with her, as PP prepares to finish up its run later this season. Girl's bedside manner must be off the chain!
Photo Credit: ABC
No. 13: Brenda Barrett, General Hospital
From the time she arrived in Port Charles, New York as a teen, Brenda Barrett's (Vanessa Marcil) milkshake brought all the boys to the yard on ABC Daytime's General Hospital. Okay, so Jagger (Antonio Sabato Jr.) was in love with mousy Karen Wexler (Cari Shayne). It didn't stop him from sampling Brenda's tasty treats!
Brenda went from boys to men when she got involved first with mobster-on-the-move Sonny Corinthos (Maurice Benard), and later Aussie corporate raider Jasper Jacks (Ingo Rademacher). Almost two decades later, these dudes will still square off over Bren-Bren. Sister-friend must be quite memorable beneath those satin pajamas!
No. 12: Dr. Michael Mancini, Melrose Place
You know you can lay pipe when you almost kill your mistress while drunk driving, and she comes back for more! That was the sordid saga of Drs. Michael Mancini (Thomas Calabro) and Kimberly Shaw (Marcia Cross) on Fox's smash, 90's soap opera Melrose Place.
Kooky Kim wasn't the only woman who frequented that famed apartment complex to go cuckoo for Michael's Cocoa Puffs. Sisters Jane (Josie Bissett) and Sydney Andrews (Laura Leighton) got into one helluva pool fight over Mikey, with Syd clad in a family heirloom wedding gown!
No. 11: Ridge Forrester, The Bold and the Beautiful
The Bold and the Beautiful kicked off over 25 years ago with a storyline featuring virginal publishing princess Caroline Spencer (Joanna Johnson) hopelessly devoted to caddish fashion designer Ridge Forrester (Ronn Moss). In turn, Ridge only had eyes for Caroline...and Brooke (Katherine Kelly Lang), and the various Forrester Creations models he banged on the side!
Caroline wasn't cold in her designer coffin before Brooke was battling it out with another woman for the dressmaker's affections. Caroline's doctor Taylor Hayes (Hunter Tylo) fell under the Forrester scion's spell before you could say "conflict of interest"!
Over the years, other women have succumbed to Ridge's charms: The Young and the Restless' Lauren Fenmore (Tracey Bregman) and Ashley Abbott (Eileen Davidson), whackadoodle model Morgan (Sarah Buxton), but it's been Brooke and Taylor who've never missed an opportunity to welcome Ridge back into their respective beds, anytime the other is caught slipping. When Ridge comes back, why doesn't he simplify things by opting to share his bed with both women at the same time? Now that would be a daytime soap opera first!
No. 10: Tad Martin, All My Children
Pine Valley lothario Thaddeus James Martin (Michael E. Knight) more than earned the nickname "Tad The Cad" on All My Children. While dating frigid, teen bitch Liza Colby (Marcy Walker) during the 80's, Tad started plowing the overgrown fields of her mother Marian (Jennifer Bassey)!
While Tad evolved into a slightly more respectable citizen as the decades went on, he still had trouble keeping it in his pants. We lost count of how many times he cheated on true love Dixie Cooney (Cady McClain) — though she was no slouch when it came to infidelity herself.
Perhaps the truest test that Tad still had it was when he embarked on a sex-sational relationship with the much younger Simon Torres (Terri Ivens). Once a cad, always a cad.
Photo credit: ABC
No. 9: Victor Newman, The Young and the Restless
It's hard to believe that TGVN was once a cuckold on The Young and the Restless. When Victor (Eric Braeden) first came to Genoa City, his wife Julia (Meg Bennett) was the one carrying on with other lovers. Never one to be made a fool of for long, Victor punished Julia's lover by locking him in a cell and feeding him rats!
Victor's subsequent wives and paramours tended to be much more focused on maintaining their positions in his bed, than seeking out other bedmates. That was unless Brad Carlton (Don Diamont) happened by in a Speedo!
The two women who seemed most spellbound by Vic's magic d*** were former stripper Nikki Reed (Melody Thomas Scott) and cosmetics heiress Ashley Abbott (Eileen Davidson et al.). Nikki was so devastated by Victor's affair with Ash, she feigned an illness to keep him from divorcing her to be with Ashley.
For her part, Ashley managed to go completely bat poop crazy over Victor on several occasions over the course of almost three decades. Any man you're willing to be tied up in a straitjacket for must be packing!
Other women proved equally unable to resist Victor. There was nutty Leanna Love (Barbara Crampton), desperate Diane Jenkins (Alex Donnelly et al.), even Jill Abbott (Jess Walton) took a turn on the horseman's saddle. I guess he knows how to do more with those lips than mumble...
No. 8: Bobby Ewing, Dallas
For a girl to risk being cut off from her family, a man has to bring something, er, "signficant" to the table. Whatever Bobby James Ewing (Patrick Duffy) offered Pamela Barnes (Victoria Principal) was enough to make her risk the wrath of her daddy Digger and brother Cliff (Ken Kercheval) on the classic CBS monster hitDallas. The Barnes hated the Ewings and vice versa, but Bobby and Pam's love was strong enough to risk their families disapproval.
Too bad for Pammie, Bobby's childhood sweetheart Jenna Wade (Morgan Fairchild, Priscilla Presley) had extra fond memories of their time together — not to mention the support of his ever-scheming big brother JR (Larry Hagman). Pam and Jenna battled it out over Bobby for a good chunk of the original run of Dallas. In the end, it was Pam who got to see her dream lover walk out of that shower.
Maybe that steamy memory was what Pam was really thinking about when she ran her car into a diesel? No back-from-the-dead sex fantasies while driving Pamela!
Photo Credit: CBS
No. 7: Bo Brady, Days of Our Lives
Beauregard Brady (Peter Reckell) has always had a way with the ladies of Salem, U.S.A. on Days of Our Lives. From the moment he laid eyes on spoiled Horton heiress Hope Williams (Kristian Alfonso), he had the rebellious teen hooked. Sure, she'd been crushing on his brother Roman (Wayne Northrop), but it was Bo who ended up driving Hope to the heights of ecstasy — and her daddy Doug (Bill Hayes) to heart disease!
In the 80's, Hope found a rival for Bo's affections in Stefano's (Joe Mascolo) daughter Megan, but the all out hen-fighting over Brady's rooster didn't really get insane until the 90's. Hope's return from the dead put a damper on Bo's relationship with Billie Reed (Lisa Rinna et al.). Billie went to some crazy extremes to get her man back during the ensuing years. We're talking doping unwitting sex partners and having babies in swamps kind of extremes!
Hope also had to contend with another of Bo's 90's ladies, Dr. Carly Manning (Crystal Chappell), when she came back to Salem in late 2009. Hope was so distraught when Bo and Carly hooked back up, she started popping sleeping pills and mugging dudes! Maybe Bo studied the Kama Sutra during those years stuck on that boat as a Merchant Marine? That's the only way to explain how cray-cray he drives these otherwise sensible brunettes.
No. 6: Steve Frame, Another World
Self-made man Steve Frame (George Reinholt, David Canary) found himself in the middle of quite the tempestuous, decades-long love triangle in Bay City, Illinois on Another World. In one corner there was sweet, flaxen-haired Alice Matthews (Jacqueline Courtney). In the other was raven-haired sex bomb Rachel Davis (Robin Strasser, Victoria Wyndham).
While Alice had Steve's heart from the start, Rachel had full access to his other organs. The two sisters-in-law (Rachel was married to Alice's brother Russ when she first set her sights on Steve!) battled over Steve from the late 60's all the way into the 80's, helping to make Another World a ratings juggernaut. What kind of tricks were ol' Steve doing once the lights went out, to have those gals squabbling right through the Me Decade into the era of Reaganomics?
Photo Credit: NBC
No. 5: Dylan McKay, Beverly Hills, 90210
The TLC song "What About Your Friends?" was likely a popular selection on Brenda Walsh's (Shannen Doherty) walkman on Beverly Hills, 90210. One summer, while Bren was abroad with Donna Martin (Tori Spelling), her other best gal Kelly Taylor (Jennie Garth) was getting busy with Dylan McKay (Luke Perry). Did we mention Dylan was the love of Brenda's life? The Romeo to her Juliet? For you young'uns, the R-Patz to her K-Stew?
While Brenda ended the triangle by declaring she hated both Dylan and Kelly, and never wanted them to speak to her again, the two girls continued to swap Dylan back and forth right up until Brenda left the Southern California. When Dylan exited a few seasons later, we found out he and Brenda reunited off screen.
Over a decade later on The CW's 90210 spinoff vehicle, we learned the triangle that started in high school still wasn't completely resolved, as Kelly had born Dylan a secret child! Must have been the sideburns...
No. 4: Gary Ewing, Knots Landing
Much like his baby brother Bobby, Knots Landing's Gary Ewing (Ted Shackelford) broke quite a few hearts, and possibly bed frames! Gary's child bride Valene (Joan Van Ark) always said he was the most beautiful man she'd ever seen. The only problem was, many other ladies also noticed how easy the lanky, blonde hunk was on the eyes. Ladies like Judy Trent (General Hospital's Jane Elliot), Jill Bennett (Teri Austin), Ciji Dunne (Lisa Hartman), Kate Whittaker (Stacy Galina) and most infamously, Abby Fairgate (Donna Mills).
While Jill was so crazy (literally) about Gary she tried to kill Val, Abby blurted out how much she wished his secret twins with Val didn't exist. This resulted in Abby's overzealous henchman snatching the tykes up, faking their deaths and selling them on the black market!
Luckily, Bobby Jr. and Betsy were returned to Gary and Val, who ultimately found their way back to one another. That didn't stop other women from trying to come between 'em, however. Jock (the late Jim Davis) and JR (Larry Hagman) might not have had much use for Gary back home in Dallas, but the women on Seaview Circle couldn't get enough of him.
Photo Credit: CBS
No. 3: Sookie Stackhouse, True Blood
Vampire, werewolf, shape-shifter, if he's a supernatural being of the male persuasion in Bon Temps, Louisiana, there's a good chance he's lusted after one Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin). When True Blood began its run on HBO, the mind-reading waitress had her boss Sam Merlotte (Sam Trammell) sniffing her out, but it was elegant, Civil War-era vampire Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer) who ultimately won the first bite of Sookie.
Although Sookie "belonged" to Bill, it didn't stop rival fanger Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgård) from doing everything in his considerable power to have her. Eric finally got his turn to suckle from Sookie in Season 5. Broken up with Bill, our girl fell hard for the undead Viking, who was suffering from amnesia, courtesy of a witch's curse.
Don't think shapeshifters and modern day Draculas are the only ones who desire 'ol Sook. Rippling werewolf Alcide Herveaux (Joe Manganiello) has been waiting for his turn to make her howl at the moon since 2010. That must be some fairy dust!
Photo Credit: HBO
No. 2: Sami Brady, Days of Our Lives
For years we watched as insecure Samantha Jean Brady (Alison Sweeney) resorted to stunts like drugging daffy dudes, and lying about who her baby daddies were in order to get a man to pay attention to her. Once her goody-goody sister Carrie (Christie Clark) was out of the way, Sami stopped being the pursuer, and started letting the boys chase after her for a change, and chase they have!
Brandon Walker (Matt Cedeño), Lucas Roberts Horton (Bryan Dattilo), heck even the object of her teenage obsession, Austin Reed (Austin Peck), managed to genuinely fall for Sami. It wasn't until an all grown up (and diabolical) Elvis DiMera (James Scott) returned to Salem that Sami truly began to understand how intense, and okay, at times creepy, her kinda love could be.
EJ was so determined to have Sami, and fulfill his father Stefano's (Joe Mascolo) commands to impregnate a Brady, he forced her to have sex with him at gunpoint. If Sami had refused, EJ would have let Lucas die. This unsavory act led to the last half of the first decade of the 00's being dedicated to the Lumi vs. EJami fanbase wars, as both men went after Sami with an angry vengeance.
In 2008, a third contender for Sami's heart appeared on the scene. Rafe Hernandez (Galen Gering), a cop with a penchant for lying about paternity results almost as pesky as Sami's, fell hard for the fiery, half-Irish lass.
Several dead babies, a doppelganger, a shot to the head and infidelities galore, and all three of these dudes would still pop a button on their Levis (Okay, Armani slacks for EJ!) in a mad rush to get at Sami.
No. 1: Jason Morgan, General Hospital
One need look no further than our recent post about the many women General Hospital's Jason Morgan (Steve Burton) loved in order to find proof about how nuts the ladies went over this guy. Disregard the references to his mom, grandma and sister. This isn't a Procter & Gamble soap opera!
Keesha Ward (Senait Ashenafi), Robin Scorpio (Kimberly McCullough), Carly Roberts (Laura Wright), Liz Webber (Rebecca Herbst), Courtney Matthews (Alicia Leigh Willis) and Sam McCall (Kelly Monaco) all went gaga over the blue-eyed hitman during his 21 years as an adult in Port Charles, NY. In Keesha's defense, he was just a mild-mannered, Dr. Huxtable-sweater-wearing, pre-med student when she gave up the cooch.
With Jason gone to a presumably watery grave, will another blue-eyed, soft spoken antihero—Llanview, Pennsylvania's John McBain (Michael Easton)—be enough to keep the bedrooms of Port Charles from going Stone Cold?