The Sony sudsers were sitting pretty ratings-wise the week of July 22-26. (Source: Soap Opera Network) Days of Our Lives went up across the board; while The Young and the Restless also saw impressive jumps.
Let's start this weekly Sojourn of Snark in Salem, U.S.A. DAYS went up 146,000 total viewers and was up year-to-date by 81,000. The NBC sudser also went up one-tenth of a point in households, among women 18-49 and among W18-34. I bet Ken Corday is doing the Cabbage Patch Dance all over that set.
The fecal matter hit the fan at Father Eric's (Greg Vaughan) school opening, when his twin sister, Sami (Alison Sweeney), got them handcuffs put on her by the Po-Po. Bristen (Eric Martsolf and Eileen Davidson) decided to stop singing that old Patti LaBelle and Michael McDonald duet, and give their tainted love another go.
Adrienne (Judi Evans) almost got her wig split by EJ (James Scott) for ratting Sami out to the D.A. and Uncle Abe (James Reynolds). Theresa (Jen Lilley) was all the Deverauxs could talk about. Kate (Lauren Koslow) prayed Rafe (Galen Gering) would remember their dangerously-hot affair. Hope (Kristian Alfonso) vowed to both protect her jailed niece, and work to get her set free. Meanwhile, Nicole (Arianne Zucker) got pissy with ALL of her exes.
When I first heard DAYS was bringing back Eric as a priest, I thought Gary Tomlin and Chris Whitesell must be blithering idiots. Turns out, I was the one in need of a dunce hat fitting. It was a brilliant idea to make Roman (Josh Taylor) and Marlena's (Deidre Hall) son a tortured, soldier for Christ. From Kristen drugging and raping Eric to avenge herself against the Brady-Blacks, to Sami's latest scandal playing out at a pious event, DAYS has me clutching my rosary beads daily. Okay, I'm Baptist, but, it's still hella good soap.
I cannot get enough of the growing rift between the clan Kiriakis and the Brady-Horton-DiMera Bunch. DAYS has been laying the groundwork for an epic feud between Adrienne and Sami—over their sons' relationship—for months. Adrienne doesn't believe Will (Chandler Massey) is good enough for her boy, due to his family's penchant for scandal, debauchery and the occasional, pesky, displays of gun play. Yeah, Adrienne, but Will has read The Joys of Gay Sex from cover-to-cover twice, so Sonny (Freddie Smith) ain't going anywhere!
Y&R skyrocketed to the tune of 195,000 total viewers, and was up year-to-date by an astounding 419,000 total viewers. Y&R went up one-tenth of a point in households, held steady among W18-49 and lost ground by one-tenth of a point among W18-34. That sound you hear is Jill Farren Phelps telling all of us soap critics to STFU.
In story, Lauren (Tracey Bregman) got to the alley just in time to stop a gun-brandishing Michael (Christian LeBlanc) from sending Carmine (Marco Dapper) to Sex Heaven. Paul (Doug Davidson) had no choice but to arrest his pal. What would Paul do, if his children and best friends ever stopped committing crimes in Genoa City?
Phyllis (Michelle Stafford) finally put together the puzzle pieces she'd been receiving for months in the mail, which revealed Sharon (Sharon Case) had in fact switched Summer's (Hunter King) DNA results. Oh, I'm being silly again! That's what would have happened on a soap created by Bill Bell. What happened on As Dylan and Chelsea Turn (Back and Forth on An Air Mattress), was that Red overheard Sharon talking to herself in a cemetery.
Melanie (Erin Chambers) continued a cat and mouse game with Adam (Michael Muhney) that made the storylines on the old Tom & Jerry cartoons look nuanced and intricately woven. Poor, Poor Michael Muhney.
Captain of Industry, Abby Newman (Melissa Ordway) went on a date with Tyler (Redaric Williams), only to ask Lily (Christel Khalil) and Cane (Daniel Goddard) to watch some porn and do a little partner swapping. Wait...that wasn't a plot point from Y&R, it was in Shirley Jones' new memoir! Maybe The Partridge Family mama should be writing The Young and the Restless?
Chavez (Ignacio Serricchio) offered to set Kevin (Greg Rikaart) up with a girl, when even dead, blind Hope Adams can see Kevin wants to take it from the cop, chipmunk-style. Victoria (Amelia Heinle) was kind enough to let Billy (Billy Miller) see the child he sired with another woman.
Eric Braeden and Melody Thomas Scott returned for cameos at the MS Gala and Phyllis—one of the most cunning, calculating connivers in soap history—fell down a flight of stairs, after arguing with Rainbow Brite (Sharon Case) about why the show's creative team is so intent on turning her into Murky Dismal. Yet the ratings went up! So again, JFP, I accept the instruction to STFU.
The Bold and the Beautiful shed a measly 1,000 viewers, but was up a monstrous 546,000 viewers year-to-date. B&B held steady in households, up four-freaking-tenths of a point from where it was in that demo a year earlier. B&B also held steady in the female demos. If Kenny C. is doing the Cabbage Patch, Brad Bell is most assuredly doing the Roger Rabbit these days!
Nosy ass Hope Logan (Kim Matula) orchestrated a scenario where Dollar Bill (Don Diamont) and Wyatt (Darin Brooks) learned they were father and son. Quinn Fuller (Rena Sofer) should have glued on her old Lois Cerullo Press-On nails to claw Hope's meddling face!
On a lighter note, Caroline's (Linsey Godfrey) plan to use the Room 8 web series to bust up Rick (Jacob Young) and Maya (Karla Mosley) was all wet, literally. Forget her sapphic mamas, I'm starting to think Caroline is the bio daughter of Sally Spectra (the late Darlene Conley)! Who wasn't howling when her high heels punctured that waterbed, causing her to be drenched?
General Hospital went up 22,000 total viewers, and was up year-to-date by 107,000 pairs of eyeballs. GH held steady among households and W18-49, but climbed one-tenth of a point among W18-34.
Believing he was his presumed dead twin brother, Jason Morgan, Franco (Roger Howarth) snatched up Baby Danny. Sam (Kelly Monaco) tracked the fruit loop to Jason's penthouse, where she promptly got knocked the fee-fi-foe-fudge out. Stanko then headed to the Special Jason Bridge, where he promptly visualized killing my Lizzy Beth (Rebecca Herbst)! Great Day in the Morning. Luckily, Carly Corinthos (Laura Wright) showed up and saved Dan-O from a fate worse than camp.
Okay, let's get this out of the way. That Franco madness was off...the...rails. However, I screamed with laughter at Howarth's interpretation of Steve Burton's legendary character. That was so bitch-nasty! Howarth's meta performances alone can't save this character, though. Not really sure what can.
Tracy (Jane Elliot) and Ava (Maura West) formed the fiercest female alliance since those heffas drove off that cliff in Thelma & Louise. Too bad, AJ (Sean Kanan) has friends in muscular places.
Michael (Chad Duell) decided to get over his desire to have his lady "cousin" go down on his Appalachian happy trail, by boning the most awful dayplayer actress I've ever seen. Did y'all see the way that baby enunciated every single line of her dialogue? I missed Lindsey Morgan. If you are going to act poorly, do it LOUD and PROUD, girl!
Laura (Genie Francis) went IN on Tracy (Jane Elliot) about lying about Luke's (Anthony Geary) health, then proceeded to tell a hacked off Scotty (Kin Shriner) she was going off to find her ill ex. I honestly don't know why Baldwin was so pissed. She left plenty of American Crew Firm Hold Styling Gel in the bathroom cabinet.
Taylor (Samantha Logan) made a mixed tape of old Gloria Loring duets for TJ (Tequan Richmond); while he gave her one of classic, 98 Degrees jams. Sorry, girl. That boy is SPRUNG on Melissa, er, Molly (Haley Pullos)!
Felix (Marc Samuel) and Brad (Parry Shen) moved closer to Kish territory, when they had it out over Brad trying to blackmail Michael into giving him some booty. All we need is Dr. Lucas Stansbury-Jones (Wishful Casting: Casey Deidrick) to make this one great, gay three-way. I mean, triangle. Yeah, triangle, that's what I meant. See you next Ratings!