No. 10: Adam and Melanie, The Young and the Restless
Can someone please explain why anyone at The Young and the Restless thought having Adam (Michael Muhney) sleep with a newbie lucky charm like Melanie (Erin Chambers)—who then accused him of rape—would provide riveting television? Anyone? Anyone? We didn't think so.
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No. 9: Sonny and Connie, General Hospital
Just when we were cheering Sonny (Maurice Benard) on for putting scenery chewer Connie (Kelly Sullivan) behind him—in favor of her sexy psychic cousin Olivia (Lisa LoCicero)—Connie had to return from the loony bin. Faster than you could say "mood swing", Sonny went back to chewing Connie's shrubbery. Whoever busted a cap in that nitwit deserves the key to Port Charles and free room and board at Metro Court.
No. 8: Miranda and AJ, All My Children
Connected from birth, a Miranda Montgomery (Denyse Tonze) and AJ Chandler (Eric Nelsen) pairing looked epic on paper. What All My Children delivered was exactly the opposite.
While Miranda was perfectly cast, AJ came across as a loud, shrill over-emoting mess of a boy with Nelsen in the role. He also shared much more chemistry with "rival" Hunter (Daniel Covin) than the girl he was supposed to be crushing on.
No. 7: Natalie and Cutter, One Life to Live
Where in the world is John McBain? We didn't say Michael Easton. We know where he is—happily cashing a network TV check on General Hospital—but surely Prospect Park could have recast Natalie's (Melissa Archer) brooding true love on One Life to Live?
Don't get us wrong; we're wild about Cutter (Josh Kelly) but his non-romance with Natalie, complete with JWoww as the spoiler, didn't exactly help make the new OLTL Must See Web TV.
No. 6: Sharon and Ghost Cassie, The Young and the Restless
The Young and the Restless has to be the only soap capable of making us hate ghostly guest stars. It isn't bad enough bitchy Ghost John (Jerry Douglas) is always popping up to kick poor "Jackie" (Peter Bergman) when he's down; now once sweet-as-pie Cassie (Camryn Grimes) is back from the grave to aide and abet her deranged mother, Crazy-Eyes Sharon (Sharon Case), in her wicked, wicked schemes against humanity. Genoa City needs an exorcist.
No. 5: Pete and Celia, All My Children
Poor All My Children really struck out in the young love department where the reboot was concerned. The same soap that gave us a young Jesse and Angie, Greg and Jenny, Noah and Julie on ABC, had major trouble making us care about snore-bore pairings such as Miranda and AJ (see above) or Pete (Robert Scott Wilson) and Celia (Jordan Lane Price).
It's a good thing the sudser did such a bang up job with the grown-ups (How you doin', David and Angie?), or we'd have written this sucker off as a tired Swans Crossing meets Saved By The Bell: In Hell regurgitation. Petey, with his rippling abs and a brain smart enough to create billion dollar apps, deserves a woman worthy of his time and effort; not some Disney princess, forever afraid of her mystery benefactor. Paging Colby Chandler (Brooke Newton).
No. 4: Abigail and Cameron, Days of Our Lives
We'll give Cameron (Nathan Owens) this — his package looks amazing in gold lamé underwear. Unfortunately, a bulge does not a romance make. Abigail (Kate Mansi), stick with Chad (Casey Deidrick). He has a penis and a personality.
No. 3: Villy, The Young and the Restless
When Daytime Confidential's Villy defender Jamey Giddens stops going to bat for one of his favorite The Young and the Restless pairings, you know it's bad. We doubt we'll ever get the memory of Billy (Billy Miller) taking Victoria (Amelia Heinle) all around town to prove he didn't cheat out of our heads.
No. 2: Dannifer, Days of Our Lives
Daniel (Shawn Christian) and Jennifer (Melissa Reeves) may be the worst Days of Our Lives couple of the past decade, which is why we don't understand TPTB's fascination with them. One thing we will give the brass at DAYS, bringing on Jennifer's sexy, bad seed son JJ (Casey Moss) and making him hate the pairing as much as the audience does was a smart move.
No. 1: Dylan and Chelsea, The Young and the Restless
While Dannifer at least had JJ to keep things interesting on DAYS, there was absolutely nothing compelling about the front burner blow-mance of Dylan(Steve Burton) and Chelsea (Melissa Claire Egan) on The Young and the Restless.
After a one night stand with the perennially sighing (Who is he, Eeyore from Winnie The Pooh?) war veteran, Chelsea got the bright idea to pass off Adam Newman's (Michael Muhney) baby as Dylan's. You see, the lady rapist decided Adam was an unfit father.
Flash-foward through months of riveting discussions about takeout food from Crimson Lights and the proper way a baby should be placed in a crib and we're finally, mercifully at the end of the summer — and hopefully this shiteous pairing.