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10 Soap Opera Villains Who Should Have Their Chestnuts Roasted on An Open Fire


 No. 10: Cesar Faison, General Hospital

General Hospital's nastiest villain, Cesar Faison (Anders Hove) has been obsessed with Anna Devane (Finola Hughes) since she was a little girl. In the 90's, the DVX operative terrorized Anna, her sometimes husband Robert (Tristan Rogers) and their World Security Bureau pals Sean Donely (John Reilly) and Frisco Jones (Jack Wagner).

He also targeted Frisco's beloved Aztec Princess Felicia (Kristina Wagner), Robert and Anna's daughter Robin (Kimberly McCullough) and her extraterrestrial pal Casey (Bradley Lockerman) from the Planet Lumina!  

Near the end of the decade, Faison returned to Port Charles to fake the death of Luke (Tony Geary) and Laura's (Genie Francis) son Lucky (Jonathan Jackson), on the order of Helena Cassadine (Constance Towers). Lucky wasn't the only Port Charles denizen he had people in a state of faux mourning over. The SOB also snatched up Duke Lavery (Ian Buchanan) and a now adult Robin, making their loved ones believe they were dead! Did we forget to mention he donned a "Duke" mask to try to seduce Anna? Is there any wonder she wanted this guy dead?


No. 9: Jeff Fordham, Nashville

Edgehill Records new CEO Jeff Fordham (Oliver Hudson) has been a bit of a boy bitch to Queen of Country Music Rayna James (Connie Britton) this season on Nashville. The sales-obsessed suit wasn't in his swanky new offices five minutes before he was snatching closet case crooner Will (Chris Carmack) off Rayna's upstart label!

Then there was that whole business of holding the masters of Rayna's next CD hostage and almost mind-porking poor Scarlett (Clare Bowen) into ruining her first night as the opening act for Luke Wheeler (Will Chase). We sure hope Santa has this music maker on his naughty list this year!


No. 8: Nick Fallon, Days of Our Lives

Just when we thought troubled Horton great-grandson Nick Fallon (Blake Berris) was done with dirty tricks on Days of Our Lives, the apologetic homophobe and prison rape victim started orchestrating a new scheme to see Gabi (Camila Banus) exit Salem, U.S.A. for New York. Nick worked it out so that Gabi would be offered a fat modeling contract, allowing her to take toddler Arianna Grace away from her two gay dads, Will (Chandler Massey) and Sonny (Freddie Smith)! A machiavellian Nick planned to relocate to Gotham to be with his ex and her kid.

When Gabi found out what Nick was up to, she freaked on the chemistry whiz, right in the middle of the town square named after his pious family. Ever the inspiration for Mariah Carey's hit song "Obsessed", Nick followed Ms. Hernandez to the woods. He promptly decided to show her how much he still cared by attempting to rape her on the ground!

Luckily for Gabi, a big rock was close by. She smashed Nick's dome to the white meat before he could assault her. Before anyone could ask, "Who's Afraid of the Big, Bad Wolf?", Will's sexy granny, Kate Roberts (Lauren Koslow) turned up in the forest, followed by Salem superbitch Sami (Alison Sweeney). The three women eventually found themselves in a mad dash to dump Nick's body in the river, complete with a visit from an odd duck bird watcher!

The only problem, Nick wasn't dead! Sami, who spent the better part of her teens and 20's switching DNA results as a candy striper in the University Hospital labs, couldn't read someone's pulse?! 

After slam-dunking Nick back into the river, the ladies went on their merry way. We don't know if Nick is really dead or not, but we are certain this waterlogged fellow doesn't deserve to hang his ornament on the Horton family tree this Christmas!


No. 7: Cyrus Beene, Scandal

If we wrote down all of the reasons Scandal's ruthless, bitingly-hilarious Chief of Staff Cyrus Beene (Jeff Perry) doesn't deserve to have himself a Merry Christmas, we'd still be sitting here typing when drunken revelers yelled out Happy New Year. Let's focus on his most recent heinous act — pimping out journalist husband James (Dan Bucatinsky) to try and catch frigid Veep Sally Langston's (Kate Burton) closeted gay husband in a sex scandal. Unfortunately for Cyrus, James realized he was being used him to set up Daniel (Dynasty alum Jack Coleman) and seemingly decided to give Cyrus' photographer quite the money shot. We wonder if James jingled Daniel's bells when they were finished?


No. 6: Victor Newman, The Young and the Restless

There aren't enough coal mines in these United States to provide The Young and the Restless' Victor Newman (Eric Braeden) with the amount of stocking stuffers he so richly deserves. Genoa City's answer to Ebenezer Scrooge skulks around town mumbling and/or bellowing at people like Frosty The Snowman after a really bad acid trip.

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The sinister mogul makes a sport out of treating his children and grandchildren like marionettes in a Nativity puppet show. His son-in-law and daughters-in-law get much worse treatment.

Seriously, the Grumpy Gus acts like Billy (Billy Miller) and Chelsea (Melissa Claire Egan) are twin piles of reindeer droppings he's stepped in! They do manage to fare better than Sharon (Sharon Case). He actually married her. Bah humbug, indeed!


No. 5: David Lee, The Good Wife

Is there a more slithering, slimy legal eagle on television than Lockhart-Gardner's family law aficionado David Lee (Zach Grenier) from The Good Wife? Diane (Christine Baranski) and Will (Josh Charles) only put up with the rat, who even Templeton from Charlotte's Web would find distasteful, because he brings in a Santa sleigh full of money, due to the huge divorce settlements he nets his clients. 

David was, however, the first to suspect Alicia (Julianna Margulies) and Cary (Matt Czuchry) were plotting a coup with the other fourth years. For that, I suppose he deserves at least one candy cane this holiday season. 


No. 4: Victor Kiriakis, Days of Our Lives

Poor Maggie Horton (Suzanne Rogers). She thought her reformed Greek mobster hubby Victor Kiriakis (John Aniston) had put his days of treachery and deceit behind him on Days of Our Lives.

To Vic's credit, he has mellowed a lot over the years. He's no longer trying to kill his illegitimate offspring by rigging elevators, or paying thugs to beat up one-eyed antiheroes. However, whenever someone messes with his beloved, dope of a grandson Brady Black (Eric Martsolf), Victor backslides a bit. Let the St. Luke's Catholic Church, say amen!

Victor felt he was doing what he had to do, when he set up Dr. Marlena Evans (Deidre Hall) to play a video of Brady's intended wife Kristen DiMera (Eileen Davidson) having sex with Doc's priest son Eric Brady (Greg Vaughan) — during his grandson's nuptials. That Eric, who was officiating the ceremony, found his life obliterated by the sex tape show-and-tell, was in Victor's own words "collateral damage".  I don't think Santa or Victor will be having any of Maggie's milk and cookies this year.


No. 3: Rowan/Eli Pope, Scandal

Not even D.C.'s ultimate fixer Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington) or her lover—the President of the United States—can "handle" the diabolical wrath of B613's Rowan "Comand" Pope (Joe Morton) on Scandal. Growing up, Liv thought her widowed dad was simply a mild-mannered museum curator.

Little did she know, he was actually running the world's most covert Black Ops organization and once ordered Fitz (Tony Goldwyn) to shoot down a passenger airplane Liv's mother was supposed to be on. We doubt Liv's whacked out mom actually being alive, will be enough to inspire Liv to purchase tickets to a father/daughter matinee of the Nutcracker this holiday season.


No. 2: Bill Spencer, The Bold and the Beautiful

We admit it. We once had Dollar Bill's (Don Diamont) back on The Bold and the Beautiful. His wife Katie (Heather Tom) was such a friggin' nag, with all her rules about drinking and smoking cigars. It was like she wanted to keep the Stallion's manhood in her Forrester Creations designer clutch, only to be taken out when she gave the approval!

As if all the nagging and preaching wasn't enough, Katie—while suffering from postpartum depression—actually started playing matchmaker for Bill and her sex bomb of a sister Brooke (Katherine Kelly Lang)! We didn't blame Dollar Bill one bit when he finally slipped Brooke the sword. All of that changed when he dumped Brooke, following a near-death experience while hanging from a mountain, to return to Katie!

 It didn't stop there. After having sex with Katie—and getting her to sign back over custody of his balls—Bill ran back to Brooke saying it was all a big confidence game! We expect Dollar Bill will be the only man in California taking ice-cold showers this winter.


No. 1: Jerry Jacks, General Hospital

While fellow Port Charles Legion of Doom members Faison (Anders Hove) and Dr. Obrecht (Kathleen Gati) are at least motivated by twisted, tainted love—Cesar's for Anna Devane (Finola Hughes) and  Liesl's for the wacky Dane—Jerry Jacks (Sebastian Roche) is always guided by a burning desire to save his own hide on General Hospital.

The Aussie madman polluted the entire town's water supply, in order to blackmail Port Charles' richest citizens into giving him the money he needed to buy a cure for polonium poisoning. Later, he took presumed dead heroine Dr. Robin Scorpio Drake (Kimberly McCullough) off Obrecht's hands, only to force her to work on a cure for him.

After months of being held prisoner on Cassadine Isle, Robin's BFF Prince Nikolas Cassadine (Tyler Christopher) and her super spy parents made their way to the compound. Sucked for them, because Jerry once again gained the upper hand!

After locking Robert (Tristan Rogers) and Anna up in the same cryogenic lab where Robin had been housed, Jerry ordered the plucky medic to return to Port Charles to obtain a new batch of the cure for him. But wait, there was a catch. If she revealed herself to any of her loved ones, he'd kill her parents! Budding Port Charles filmmaker Dylan Quartermaine needs to return home ASAP to lens How The Grinch Stole Port Charles, based on the life and times of Mrs. Jacks.