No. 10: Daniel and Jennifer, Day of Our Lives
Salem U.S.A. was jam-packed with couples we couldn't get enough of in 2013. Unfortunately, not even the heat of EJami, the forbidden affections of Rate or the tainted love of Bristen could fully distract us from the continuing disaster that is Dannifer.
We like the characters of Jennifer Horton (Melissa Reeves) and Dr. Daniel Jonas (Shawn Christian) perfectly fine — when they're apart. But when they're in scenes together, attempting to create chemistry and angst where there's none, we reach for the remote.
No. 9: Sonny and Connie, General Hospital
We don't know who killed Connie Falconeri (Kelly Sullivan), but instead of prosecution, he or she deserves the key to Port Charles. After being part of one epic love story after another (Brenda, Lily, Carly, Kate Howard 1.0), it was painful to endure dimpled mobster Sonny Corinthos' (Maurice Benard) ridiculous relationship with this dual personality dingbat.
No. 8: Abigail and Cameron, Days of Our Lives
Nathan Owens was hired to play Dr. Cameron Davis more for the bulge in his Speedo than for his acting range — and there's nothing wrong with that! Soaps have been hiring dudes who serve as merely eye candy for decades, but they still must be able to spark a modicum of chemistry with their leading ladies.
We never spied a hint of a genuine connection between Cameron and Abigail Deveraux (Kate Mansi), which sucked for Mansi, who as one of daytime's most promising younger stars, deserves so much better.
No. 7: Carly and Franco, General Hospital
How do you recapture the intense heat Laura Wright and Roger Howarth shared as Carly Corinthos-Jacks and Todd Manning on General Hospital, post a ridiculous legal battle that cost your soap the character of Todd? This was one of many creative dilemmas GH faced once Prospect Park decided to reboot One Life to Live.
TPTB made a shockingly-bold choice to recast Howarth as serial killer/artist Franco (originally played by movie star James Franco in a much-panned stint). Did the move payoff? The jury is still out. However, we have reached a verdict on Franco's love affair with Carly. Yeah...it's just gross.
This is the same guy whose henchman raped her son. We know, we know, he didn't mean for it to happen, but tell that to poor Michael's (Chad Duell) sphincter. Franco also terrorized Carly's BFF Jason, strapped a bomb underneath her little cousin and threatened her daughter. We've bought a lot of tainted love stories on soaps, but this one is still quite the hard sell.
No. 6: Carter and Maya, The Bold and the Beautiful
Fire and ice work well together on soaps. Stick two human ice cubes together and all you get is a bunch of clinking around in a glass. Who wants to watch that?
Saccharine-sweet Maya (Karla Mosley) had an intriguing connection with Forrester bad boy Rick (Jacob Young), not to mention a fabulously-bitchy rivalry with Rick's ex-flame Caroline (Linsey Godfrey). Before you could say Room 8, Maya and Rick were dunzo and both were engaged to others.
While Rick and Caroline work well together as a pair of delightful blonde schemers, desperate to keep their perch atop a fashion dynasty, there's little to find interesting about Carter (Lawrence Saint-Victor) and Maya sans someone else to stir up their rather blah cocktail.
No. 5: Petey and Celia, All My Children
What do you do with perhaps the most gorgeous actor to be cast on a soap in half a decade? You stick him in a dated, silly love story with some reject from a Bronte novel, if you were the peeps behind All My Children 2.0.
Sexy, tech guru Pete Cortlandt (Robert Scott Wilson) never should have looked twice at milquetoast Celia Whatsherface (Jordan Lane Price). The guy was in his 20's, running a multi-million dollar company. Why would he waste his time on some silly little mess, living in a boarding school past graduation day and terrified of her own shadow?
Thank the Soap Gods for Colby Chandler (Brooke Newton) and her impressive BJ skills. We will forever cherish our memories of Pete's eyes rolling back in his beautiful head.
No. 4: Summer and Kyle, The Young and the Restless
We assume The Young and the Restless thought they could spin a forbidden, Flowers In The Attic tale about two unassuming, faux half-siblings tortured by their love for one another. What they got was Hunter King (Summer) doing all the heavy lifting, while miscast Hartley Sawyer (ex-Kyle) tried to keep up. Heather Tom and J. Eddie Peck did this story so much better in the 90's as Victoria and Cole.
No. 3: Matthew and The Catfish, One Life to Live
We applaud One Life to Live 2.0 for trying to do ripped-from-the-headlines stories, but we so could have done without Matthew (Robert Gorrie) being a deadbeat dad, constantly obsessed with getting his rocks off. The tale of him being Catfished would have worked better if he were behaving like the sweet, earnest-yet-troubled kid we remembered from the ABC Daytime version, but we could have cared less if this tool was conned.
No. 2: Dylan and Avery / Dylan and Chelsea (Tie), The Young and the Restless
Sigh. That's what we did all year long, as The Young and the Restless did everything but have Dylan McAvoy (Steve Burton) inherit Kay Chancellor's (the late Jeanne Cooper) most prized possession—the catchphrase "Dear God In Heaven"—to try to make the character work.
In a mad dash to prove the mantra "Show-Don't-Tell" was pointless, we were told all about Dylan's wonderful parents, his extramarital affair with Avery (Jessica Collins), his stint in Afghanistan, the family he couldn't save in Afghanistan, that pet rock...
Then he moved on from Avery for a bit and got roped in by con woman Chelsea (Melissa Claire Egan). In a classic soap move, the former Mrs. Adam Newman tricked Dylan into believing he fathered her kid. Suddenly he was decorating lofts and spending copious amounts of dialogue discussing the care and tending of an infant. It was nauseating.
No. 1: AJ and Miranda, All My Children
We had such high hopes for the destined love story of AJ Chandler (Eric Nelsen) and Miranda Montgomery (Denyse Tontz). The two had been linked together since birth, after all. Sad to say, dialogue and scenarios straight out of a Very Special Episode of Saved By The Bell made this teen pairing seem retro and redundant.
Seriously, why did both characters have to screech and scream their every overwrought emotion? Greg and Jenny, these two definitely were not.