We begin our Halloween in Salem at University Hospital with Hattie waking up from a nightmare, telling someone to "get away!" John walks in and asks her if she is okay. Nope, she was having a nightmare. She's Dr. Marlena Evans and her patients kept coming in to see her one after the other after the other. John tried to tell her, but Hattie doesn't want to go back to Statesville. John is done and tells Hattie to get dressed because they are going out on the town.
Suddenly, Hattie is dressed in Marlena's best blue leather jacket and John is wheeling her into the lobby . . . where they meet Hope and Eli. Hope announces that something's happened! Hattie gasps as she does product placement for NBC primetime. Eli doesn't get it, but John covers for her. Hope can't tell them what happened. They need to see it.
In a snap, they are at the Salem Inn, where Kristen lies prostrate and bloody with "666" written in blood across her forehead. Hattie is all grossed out. Hope thinks Hattie has the answers to this blood soaked question. Meanwhile, Hattie is all freaked out because it looks like Kristen was killed just like her Alfie . . .um, Andre. She wants Hope to put out an APB on those burial urns that look like cocktail shakers.
Side Note: THANK YOU! I have been wondering why no one ever noticed that Anna was carrying Tony around in a cocktail shaker.
Hope mentions that the "666" is a touch of history as Kristen was once nekkid in a church, covered in pentagrams. Hattie doesn't quite know what to do as she wonders who was responsible for this Satanic foolishness. Hope reminds "Marlena" quickly that it was she who was responsible. John pipes up to remind "Marlena" and Hope that Doc wasn't legally responsible, as she was possessed by the devil at the time.
Side Note: Ron and company are having quite a bit of fun using two decades (DAYS didn't always dip into the ridiculous) of campy history to fuel this episode... Yay!
We are transported to the DiMera mansion. John tells Hattie they've been invited to move in so she can treat Abigail. Stefan opens the door and John reports that Kristen has descended to the lower room. They enter the living room where Abigail is serving tea like she's at the Horton house. She floats over to Hattie and tells her she is married to Stefan. Duh, Hattie reads the Intruder. Hattie asks, "Are you the Three Faces of Abigail again?" Stefan wants them to have a session while he and John go smoke cigars.
Abigail isn't really worried about herself, only the baby. She doesn't think Stefan is the father. Chad? Nope. . . someone else her alters slept with! Hattie is in full on gossip girl status and wants to know the dirt. Abigail doesn't get why "Marlena" doesn't understand. and wants to be hypnotized. What? Yeah, okay, she'll do that, but the coma has left her sketchy on her psychiatric super powers. No worries. Abigail can tell her what to do . . . something about stirring tea . . . is this a #HortonHypnotism?
Hattie stirs the tea and Abigail is in a trance . . . which causes her to have perfect posture. Is this Dr. Laura? Who would know? Hattie just wants to know about the sex. Was it Chad? Stefan? Or this Tom Selleck? Nope, that's her fantasy. Hattie decides to let Abigail tell her tale. She thinks it was . . . Julie! Just as she's about to tell her tale, Julie and Doug come in to check on her . . . but Julie is dressed as Minnie from Rosemary's Baby (I think) . . . Julie gives Abigail some vitamin water . . . in what appears to be a martini shaker.
Just then, Eli comes in asking about cocktail shakers. No, he doesn't want a drink, he wants the weapon that killed Kristen DiMera. Abs is all like, I don't have any reason to kill her. Eli is all like get me to the tombs so I can find some evidence and stuff. Fine, Abigail lets him in. Hattie is creeped out . . . Julie thinks this setting is lovely and full of history like Abs setting fire to Ben Weston . . . and Fay Walker falling down the stairs, and Kate Roberts "plugging" Vivian Alamain.
Side Note: Historically, rooted, camp is the soap dream I never knew I needed.
Just then, Eli hollers from the basement and shots ring out! EVERYBODY GET DOWN! Eli ascends from the tombs to find that no one, not even him, knows what's going on. Eli got scared and blocked out what happened a millisecond ago. Eli's done. Abs thinks "Marlena" should hypnotize him. Oh Lord.
Hattie starts stirring that tea. Stefan is intently staring at it. Doug seems skeptical. Eli is out. He's back in the tunnels about to go in the secret room. It's cold. Eli says someone's in the corner. Julie jumps up and thinks it must be Crouching Tiger, Hidden Gabi because she just LOVES to kill people.
Time has passed and Abigail returns from walking Eli out and Hattie wants to know what the hell is going on. Suddenly, Abigail is in labor! Stefan decided that "Marlena" has to deliver the baby - she declares that somebody needs to boil water - as it is 1928.
Next thing you know, the baby is born, a candelabra has been lit, and Stefan's off to make calls. Hattie is realizing that being Marlena 24/7 might be more than she bargained for. . . She goes upstairs to check on Abs and wonders about the gender of the baby and wants to take a peek. She goes to the crib, lifts this very odd veil, and sees BABY ALFIE . . . I mean, ANDRE! Enter Andre, who says the baby looks like him because it takes after its DADDY! Abs and Hattie totally don't get how dead Andre is here when he's dead. Really? Have they been to Salem? Enter Dr. Rolf! How is he alive? Wait, Abs and Hattie don't seem terribly concerned that he's there, nor do they seem terribly alarmed that Andre is the father of Abigail's baby . . . Huh?
Abs is relieved that Andre doesn't blame her for his unfortunate dip into death. Nope, he blames Hattie, who pushed Anna to go after him, with the martini shaker, in his office.
Side Note: I TOTALLY forgot that happened. Hattie and Bonnie were in full on doppelgänger mode, and Anna was with her ex-hubs/boyfriend Roman, while carrying Tony around in that martini shaker.
Andre is going to inflict the horrors of Hell on that Hattie Adams when he finds her. Hattie assures Andre she is Dr. Marlena Evans . . . MD. Andre is not so sure. He consults Dr. Rolf, who performed plastic surgery on Hattie back in the day so she could look more like Marlena. He's not sure.
Meanwhile, Andre is headed upstairs to have a costume change and is taking the baby. He distracts Abigail by giving her a parenting book to read, How to Raise a Wise Ass by Jean Claude Xavier . . . Andre says, the author has answers to all her questions.
Next, Hattie asks Dr. Rolf what is taking so long with Andre's costume change. He's all, girl please, I'm not his valet. Just then, Hope runs in the door thrilling Hattie, who says she knows who killed Kristen. Hope is paying her no mind because CELESTE got in touch with her because she had a vision of the killer!
Side Note: I. MISS. CELESTE.
Hattie and Rolf get quippy with one another while Hope questions why Dr. Rolf isn't dead. Hattie tells her that he's here as the killer's bodyguard - Andre DiMera. Hope dismisses that notion because, of course, Ben is the killer - I kid, I kid, this is an alternate universe where Hope has much better ideas. Hattie wants to know who the killer is, but before Hope can reveal it . . . Dr. Rolf says, "activate satellite" and Hope is transformed into . . . PRINCESS GINA VON AMBERG. Hattie and Abigail have no idea what in the name of James E. Reilly is going on.
Hattie wonders why Hope thinks she is a Princess. Abs sets her straight by reminding her that she once thought she was her grandmother and her best friend at the same time, no biggie. Hattie uses some derivative of pig Latin to ask Abigail if she wants to hit the bricks. Abs is gonna stay for the baby, but Hattie is outie. Dr. Rolf blocks her from leaving because the baby party hasn't even begun. Princess Gina is excited for a party, and also has a crown. Just then, John returns to report back on Eli who was "all shook up."
Princess Gina looks at John and is thrilled to see her beloved. John is not currently "The Pawn" and they are neither in Alamania or in a submarine, so he's just not that into her. He tries to shake her into reality by introducing her to "Marlena". Princess Gina responds by pulling out a gun to solve her problem. She spent so many years in that cold, dark, castle and now it's time to reclaim her man. Hattie calls bullshit and Gina calls for silence. Hattie ignores the call and channels her inner Dr. Marlena Evans, MD. Princess Gina lacks self-esteem and should just love herself! Gina agrees that she doesn't need John because she is a PRINCESS OF POWER - Hattie thinks that's been "copyrighted" while I'm trying to remember if it has something to do with the Powerpuff Girls.
Just then, Princess Gina spies Stefan and requests he be washed and brought to her chamber. Abigail says that he is her hubs, but she's glad to hand him over. Stefan seems oblivious to everything, except Andre is upstairs.
Julie and Doug are back - when did they leave - and greet Hope. Princess Gina is pissy, but before she can announce herself once again, John takes over and says Dr. Rolf turned her into Gina. Julie is done, but still has the social graces to introduce herself to her half-sister/step daughter . . . or as Gina calls her, "old what's her name's . . . sister-mother".
Side Note: This is all so ridiculous and full of accurate history - which is why it is GOLD. I can only imagine how fun it was to be in the breakdown writer's room when they were set free to create this episode.
Doug tries to remind everyone that Andre is waiting upstairs. Dr. Rolf says Andre wanted everyone downstairs for the party and presents, but Doug insists "he changed his mind" and everyone can leave if they want to. Hattie takes that as her cue. Rolf has suddenly disappeared and Princess Gina has been disarmed. It's time for John and "Marlena" to make their escape.
All of a sudden, Hattie and John are at the Brady Pub. A veiled figure is lurking while the unlikely pair are playing Scrabble and recounting the events of the day.
Side Note: The words on the Scrabble board are "Jeer", "Lend", and "Dive". I think my brain is bumfuzzled from all the glorious, ridiculous detail of this episode. With this much accurate history and detail, could it be possible that the words on the scrabble board are random? What do you think?
Hattie goes back to the OG question - Who killed Kristen? What did Eli see in the tunnels? John tried to ask Eli, but he was too freaked out and he just kept saying the word, "anagram." Flashback to that odd parenting book Andre gave to Abigail written by Jean Claude Xavier - who has the answer to all your questions. Hattie figures out that Andre was trying to relay some information. John doesn't believe it, but Hattie starts rearranging letters on the SCRABBLE BOARD. She's got it and turns the board around to face John - cut to hypnotized Eli standing there saying, "the answer to the question is an anagram." Wait, not hypnotized just at the Salem PD - which sucks the brains out of most everyone.
Just then, Kristen DiMera walks in and explains the dead woman was "dumb cluck" Susan Banks, who had dressed up as her for Halloween. Kristen says she looked the killer right in the face.
Back at the Brady Pub, Hattie has spelled out, Anjelica Deveraux - which in know way comprises the letters from the words that were on the Scrabble board, but whatever. John is all like, "whatevs, she's dead." Just then, we hear a very familiar voice say, "Not tonight, I'm not." Judith Chapman, er, I mean, Gloria Fisher Abbott, er, I mean, Anjelica Deveraux comes in and revels herself as SATAN - who has come back to reclaim Marlena.
At the DiMera mansion, Princess Gina and Stefan are bonding over Abs being a buzz kill. Dr. Rolf comes downstairs with the baby and they all want to take pictures. Princess Gina horns her way in to take a selfie that is #adorbs. Abigail just wants to see the fruit of her loins, but she is brutally rebuffed. Just then, Eli walks in with Kristen on his arm to reveal the dead woman was Susan Banks. Abigail still doesn't care as she hasn't actually laid eyes on her baby. "Marlena" said it looked like Andre, but Julie thinks Abs should take another look. She gets closer gasps and screams . . .
At the Brady Pub, the role of Satan is still being played by Anjelica Deveraux who has thought a lot about "Marlena" over the years. John deduces that Satan killed Kristen and freaked Eli out in the tunnels. Hattie does her best to convince Satan she's not Marlena. John stands up for Hattie. Satan kills him with the cocktail shaker with the same music and the same thrust as Marlena used to kill folks as the Salem Serial Killer. Satan's eyes turn red and go after Hattie . . . who wakes up back in the hospital. She tells John she is done being Marlena and wants a divorce.
That's it! We've gotten to the end of a particularly ridiculous, ludicrous, and awesomely accurate dream version of Days of Our Lives. What did you think? Did anything in Hattie's nightmare mean anything? Could there possibly have been some foreshadowing? Sound off in the comments!