On today’s Days of Our Lives: Beyond Salem recap: We begin our day in New Orleans where Ben and Ciara are getting all sexy when Ciara puts on her tiara and asks if she can pass for Princess Greta Van Amburg. Ben is just thrilled to play a super spy. Apparently, he is playing the role of Austin Reed. Ciara is thrilled to be going on the adventures that her parents once experienced.
Side Note: SO. ARE. WE.
Meanwhile, Billie and Shane are on the phone talking about Sonny and Will’s role in the caper in Phoenix. Billie thinks everything will be okay as long as Leo Stark doesn’t get in the way.
Chad is trying to get dressed when Leo pops in. Chad is mad, but Leo points out he left his door open. Leo’s not going anywhere because he is spending the night with Chad.
Back on the phone, Shane says he is working on tracking down the other two gems. He thinks whomever took the ruby in Johannesburg has the citrine - which only leaves the sapphire.
Side Note: Which we know Kristen DiMera currently possesses.
Billie tells Shane she thinks Kristen DiMera actually has it. Billie tells Shane that she has everything under control. She knocks on Kyle’s door and he answers it . . . half nekkid and all wet.
Side Note; No problem on my end with a half nekkid and wet Agent Kyle. Teehee.
Zurich: Carrie and Austin awaken from a night of unbridled passion basking in a post-coital glow. Carrie says she didn’t need a grand gesture. She just needed Austin to speak words none of which should be Rafe. Austin is happy everything is okay, but wishes Kristen didn’t steal the necklace because it looked so gorgeous on Carrie.
Austin tries to head back towards coital bliss when his phone beeps. Austin wants to ignore it, but Carrie worries it could be Noah. He grabs his phone and his reaction lets Carrie know the text is not welcome news. It’s a business call and he has to leave in an hour.
Carrie and Austin get dressed just in time for John to arrive. He walks in and calls Carrie, PUMPKIN!!!!
Side Note: Squeal!
Carrie wonders if there is an update on the search for Kristen. John thinks Billie has it all under control. They all eat strudel and Austin exits to finish getting ready. Carrie and John get all Carrie and John when she decides to put the strudel John brought in Austin’s bag as a surprise. When she looks in his bag, she finds two gemstones.
John asks to see the stones, calls Carrie “pumpkin” again, and confirms the stones are real. Austin returns and is confronted with the booty from his bag.
Phoenix: Kyle is complaining because he didn’t get to his work out. Billie thinks he looks juuuuussssst fine. Kyle's got the file on Kristen DiMera and starts to recount her sordid past. Billie tells Kyle they were once very close. Billie, Kristen, and Jennifer were once a dynamic threesome before Kristen went dark. Billie thinks she knows where her former friend might be.
In Chad’s room, Leo is lounging when Sonny comes a-knockin'. Chad tells him that Leo is under the impression they are going to have sex. Leo retorts that Chad’s mind is in the gutter, but he’s willing to indulge his desires. Chad is flustered. Leo reminds them that Jackie said it must be a DiMera to help recover the emerald. Jackie has some beef with the Kiriakis’ and Titan Media.
At a club across town, Leo walks in and does a little dancey dance with random drag queens. Sonny wonders where they are and he reminds Will, Sonny, and Chad that this is a gay club where men meet other men.
Side Note: Sonny and Will together are not really the gay club type. Although, I suspect that hoe-ish Will by himself has seen the inside of his share of gay clubs.
Leo tells all of them they are awaiting a tall, beautiful, and fabulous stranger - enter said drag queen that fits that description - Cori Blake. She’s the mistress of ceremonies who thinks Will and Sonny are a snack. Leo explains what we already know, they are the most boing couple and quickly introduces his bae Chad DiMera, who is none too happy with his bae status.
Sonny resets the conversation and tells Cori they know she is in possession of an emerald that Chad is willing to pay top dollar for. She’s willing to part with it if one of them proves they are worthy - by winning tonight’s drag queen contest.
Leo thinks Chad is the perfect contestant because he used to be a model. Sonny thinks they should all participate, but Leo says he is barred from all drag contestants due to his past behavior. Chad looks al title ill as they go backstage to get ready. He is worried he will be an ugly woman.
Let the competition begin! Who will be crowned Queen Bee? The first competitor is Sonny Delight! Sonny looks cute, but could use a shave. He lumbers around the stage, but does his best before taking a tumble.
Next up is Amanda Bottom! Hello young William and his hoe-ish behind! He also needs a bit of a shave, but seems to be doing much better in his heels than Sonny did. Sonny then walks up and kisses his hand and Amanda Bottom DOES. HER. THING.
Side Note: Very impressive, Mr. Massey. Very impressive, indeed.
Bring on Belinda China Shop! Chad walks out and is serving drag queen REALNESS, Salem style. Much like Will, I do believe Ms. DiMera has been in a set of heels before. Just like that Belinda, I mean Chad, is declared the winner! Cori then gives Chad the emerald he came for. Now everybody dance!
New Orleans: Ben and Ciara are recounting the bizarre “Garden of Eden” storyline with Greta and Austin and fig leafs. Ben thinks it all sounds weird.
Side Note: Really Ben? Is the Garden of Eden really more weird than the daughter of Bo and Hope Brady married to a reformed serial killer?
Ciara thinks Ben would look hot in a fig leaf.
Side Note: No arguments here, Ciara Alice.
Ciara is focused on teasing Ben whilst he is concerned they haven’t practiced their tango.
Side Note: Methinks Ben is talking about a vertical tango while Ciara is referencing the horizontal version.
Ben and Ciara enter the party with their hand held masks, whilst perusing the crowd for the Favershams. Ben spies them entering the room. They walk over to Ben and Ciara and introduce themselves.
Side Note: Let me just tell you, when Adrienne Frantz dropped that mask and introduced herself, I got goosebumps. She is soap GOLD.
Previous Days of Our Lives (DAYS): Kristen Channels Sister Mary Moira to Fool Anna and Snag the Sapphire Necklace!
They quickly recount how they knew Princess Gina, and are thrilled to have Greta and her husband in attendance. The Favershams quickly tell Ben and Ciara there will be no dancing at this party. This is a party in the vein of Eyes Wide Shut.
Ben starts babbling and Ciara shuts him up with the knowledge they are at a sex party. They look around and see straight and gay couples making out in a very passionate way.
Ben thinks this can’t possibly be a sex party until they spot a very flexible couple on a lounge chair. Just then, the Faversham’s approach. Ben and Ciara ask if they are swingers, but they don’t like to use that word. They are just . . . open-minded. This lifestyle keeps their marriage from becoming too pedestrian. Then, they go at it. Ben thinks they should leave, but Ciara thinks they should stay. Mr. Faversham wants to tour Ciara around the house alone and Ben is none too happy.
Ben wants to shower in bleach, but Ciara calms him down and reminds him of the mission. Ciara goes with Miles whilst Sophie stays with Ben. She’s not buying his act and wants to know who he really is because he’s not really Austin Reed.
Miles shows Ciara the bedroom and kisses her. Ciara says she has never done this before, which clearly intrigues Miles as he starts to get undressed. Ciara takes charge and says she wants to be in the lead. She wants to use restraints - which he has readily handy in the bedside table.
Downstairs, Ben is trying to play Austin Reed, but Sophie tells him she knows both Austin and Carrie. Ben tries to make his exit, but Sophie stops him because she knows exactly what they are doing. He explains they are role playing and Sophie thinks it’s cute. She thinks it’s nice to have fresh blood at her party. She seems to grab Ben’s business and asks to be taken right there and right now.
Upstairs, Ciara searches threw his drawers because she took care of Miles. She continues to tease him while she sizes up the situation. He requests candle wax on his nipples when suddenly she finds what she is looking for and exits the room.
Downstairs, Sophie is rubbing all over Benjamin Oliver in her attempt to get things going. Ben needs to have sex or get out. She rips his shirt over, pushes him onto a lounge chair and gets going, just as Ciara returns. Sophie wants her to join them. Ciara says she would love to, but they have to make their exit. She has important Princessing duties to attend to.
Back upstairs, Sophie comes in to visit her tied up husband and admits that they’ve been had. She unmasks him and they get to doing their business.
Across town, Ciara is thrilled with their victory while Ben is unnerved by the experience. They decide to take advantage of the mood and Ben and Ciara get all Ben and Ciara.
Amsterdam: Billie and Kyle arrive looking for Kristen. She thinks that Kristen might return to the spot where she and Brady were on the run last year. Just then, she spots Kristen and takes a seat at her table.
Billie introduces Kyle to Kristen. She thinks Kyle looks stiff, but Billie explains he loosens up after a while. Kristen assumes Billie is there to arrest her, but she wonders for what crime. Billie explains she thinks Kristen stole a necklace from Carrie. Kristen hopes she didn’t upset Carrie too much. Billie wants her to hand over the gem, but Kristen explains that someone is paying her a lot of money for the necklace. Also, she has a gun pointed directly at Kyle’s nether region.
Kristen explains they are threatening to take her precious jewels, so turnabout is fair play.
Side Note: TeeHee. Davidson and Rinna are FIRE!
Billie threatens to take out her gun and Kristen cocks hers. Billie thinks Kristen’s behavior is unspeakable, which leads Kristen to tell her to eat a piece of bread. Then, she starts naming her past bad behavior, like blaming Hope for her miscarriage and sleeping with Nick. Billie gets up, throws a glass of water on Kristen, breaks the glass on the table, and calls her a beast. Kristen gets up, says “How dare you,” turns the table over and walks away.
Side Note: If you are wondering about this dialogue, you should check out the trip to Amsterdam on Season 5 of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
Billie returns from chasing Kristen, breathless and empty-handed. However, she did get the necklace that Kristen dropped while she was running. Kyle hopes when they remember this day, she will think of his biceps and not him falling on his ass. Kyle and Billie then get to flirting pretty hard core. He thinks she is the most extraordinary woman he has ever met. Then, they kiss, which is against the rules, but what the hell.
We end our day in Salem with Sonny, Will, and Chad are celebrating with drinks and still in fabulous drag. Sonny thinks Ms. Bottoms (Will) was pretty solid himself. They toast to victory when they realize Chad’s bae (Leo) is nowhere to be found.
Outside the club, Leo admires the emerald, puts it in his bag and tries to walk away. Just then, Shane Donovan arrives to stop him from escaping.
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