Publish date:

The Bold and The Beautiful's Annika Noelle Opens Up About Pregnancy Tragedies

Annika Noelle

The Bold and the Beautiful's Annika Noelle (Hope) is opening up. In an essay for Glamour, the actress shared her heartbreak over losing two babies.

On B&B, Noelle was involved in an intense storyline in which Hope thought she lost her daughter, Beth. The star recalled:

At the time I had never experienced a pregnancy before. I was grateful for the artistic challenge and threw myself into the story with everything I had, researching placental abruption, stillbirth, and pregnancy loss. I knew people in my own life who had gone through the trauma of losing a child, and I wanted to do them justice. It had to be honest. It had to be real. But what it entailed was months and months of grief on camera that slowly started to seep into my life off camera. While I walked away from that storyline with my first Daytime Emmy nomination, it left a psychological mark that was difficult for me to recover from…if only I knew what cruel irony lay ahead.

She added:

When my fiancé and I found out I was pregnant, we were simultaneously overjoyed and terrified. These would be our first steps together on the journey of parenthood. Immediately my shopping carts became full of baby books and my browser tabs full of information from bassinets to doulas to red-light baby dream machines. The following weeks became a flurry of doctor appointments, blood work, and ultrasounds, all squeezed around my busy filming schedule. It was only until the progesterone results came in that everything began to unravel.

Noelle described losing their first baby at ten weeks and their second at eight weeks. She said that "nobody knew" about her private pain. Then she stated: 

The secret was isolating, yet the shame was debilitating. I felt like I had failed at something that should be easy. But as time marched on, I was surprised by a new feeling bubbling underneath the sorrow: an ancestral rage toward the burden of womanhood. And as I slowly began to open up about my loss to a select few, I was shocked by how many people had experienced it as well. I began to realize that the support I was craving could be found in the collective experience of women. And the more I opened up about it to men, they gained a deeper understanding. Suddenly my shame was replaced with power. I had been through hell and back and was still standing. To go through what I went through and still show up on set, to get through the day and not crumble, is a feat. I never want to hear anyone question a woman’s strength ever again.